My Problem with Slut Shaming and Other Finger Wagging

After witnessing frequent blog posts on this topic from the same blogger, I wanted to clear the air.  Clear of it of any views that would associate me to what she is saying.  I recommended this blogger as one of my favorites because she always stays true to her convictions, but honestly, I became incredibly annoyed and irritated by what she deemed as "factual" and "accurate" blog posts.  Now I now with these first few sentences, I've been beating around the bush, but I want to express that I still appreciate her personality and thought process, however it was still enough to make me unfollow her blog and I'll elaborate on this throughout the post.

Slut shaming is a societal construct that shames women for displaying behaviors in which people deem inappropriate.  I know, that is super broad, but some examples include Hester Prynn from The Scarlet Letter and branding her with the letter "A" due to having a child outside of her marriage, some folks have been having an aneurism over Beyonce's half time performance, or asking a woman who has been sexually assaulted what she was wearing in order to use the argument that her short skirt was "asking for it."  Now you might not understand how these examples all relate, but stick with me and I'll break it down to the nitty gritty.

There is a difference between chastising someone for utilizing gender stereotypes to sell a product and a woman being incredibly confident in who she is and wears whatever she likes.  Beyonce's half time show was amazing.  I'll be upfront about this, I am a huge fan of Beyonce and you may see that bias throughout the post.  Regardless, she is a class act and represents herself with the utmost poise and she is an insanely good performer.  What irritated me about the critiques with her performance is that reporters and bloggers alike said the "performance was great, but she's not really a role model."  

What the what?

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That picture is B from a United Nations performance on August 19th for World Humanitarian Day.  If you haven't seen the performance of "I Was Here," go to YouTube and check it out right this minute.  It is mesmerizing.  As a celebrity who has international recognition, she does a lot of great work and showcases organizations that are either not well known or assists in advocating the spread of information to the youth of our country.  From the UN's website,

World Humanitarian Day is a time to recognize those who face danger and adversity in order to help others.  Every day humanitarian aid workers help millions of people around the world, regardless of who they are and where they are. World Humanitarian Day is a global celebration of people helping people.  

The video is down below, I couldn't help myself.   She can go from a chart topping diva to advocating for helping your fellow man- that is awesome.  In a world conflicted by war, economic failures, and politics creating turmoil, she is advocating for goodness.

Now moving onto her performance at the Super Bowl halftime show, which I was so excited for because she is an incredible performer.  The critique was that many of these dance moves belonged in a strip club.    

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 Knowing that said blogger has never been inside a strip club and was stating pornography statistics from a Christian website, really irked me.  What crossed the line for her?  The leather leotard bodice?  The dance moves?  Beyonce is a performer, an entertainer.  Her main job is to sing and dance, and as arguably one of the best entertainers today, she creates a high expectation for all other performers.  According to Idolator.com, Beyonce is quoted saying that it took her five months of rehearsal for that performance.  As someone who has been a part of musicals, vocal performances, and dance performances, I applaud her for accomplishing that in five months.  It takes so much skill, energy, stamina, and gusto to accomplish a performance of that caliber.  

If you actually watched Beyonce, and not criticized the fact that the woman can drop it low, you would have taken key note of her athleticism.  More than a third of the U.S. population would struggle doing that type of performance, at a slow rate.  Why?  That's the statistic to show the level of obesity in the United States, not even covering the rate of those overweight or who don't include exercise as a steady process in their lifestyle.  I'm including this information, not to prod on an already well-known fact of U.S. health or be cruel, but because I have familiarity with what goes into doing anything remotely like what Beyonce did.  What she did is difficult, not at a level to be demeaned by someone who doesn't understand the athleticism it takes to be a performer.  In a simple "pop-lock-and-drop-it," an individual works their calves, quads, gluts (your butt), hamstring, ankles, biceps and core.  Now that is just one individual move, Beyonce did that probably a hundred times during her performance, not to mention the numerous times she held a squat perfectly in sequence to a fast-tempo song.  Wrap that up in a pretty bow while singing to the 111.3 million people who tuned in, let alone the hundreds of people in that stadium, and you have the talent of Beyonce Knowles.

So what does one accomplish in deeming her "unfit to be a role model" or degrade her through slut shaming?  Nothing productive.  Instead of promoting women like Beyonce who are incredibly confident in who they are, as well as empowering other women, slut shaming commentary detracts from all women.  I hate the word slut shaming because it insinuates that there's something wrong in the first place.  I read a blippet on how a Catholic High School is challenging its high school girls to sign a no swearing contract in order to for them to be more like ladies.  How about you have these young women do more positive works for the community or promote anti-bullying because if you've seen "Mean Girls," high school cliques can be cruel to other people, not to mention the absurd amount of cyber bullying cases that occur.  But no, our girls are ladies because they don't cuss.

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By promoting that what a woman wears and how she dances are means of calling her a slut, you contribute to several negative connotations that are already placed on women.  College freshman are taught in several orientations, ways to stay safe on campus.  It is just now becoming the norm to not mention what you wear out as a contributing factor to sexual assault.  An overwhelming number of sexual assault cases occur with the perpetrator being someone the victim knows.  It has nothing to do with what the victim wears or how the victim dances, and that creates a sense of victim-blaming which isn't true or factual.  Now in terms of protecting yourself against sexual assault, I still encourage ladies to do whatever makes them feel most comfortable.  However, victim-blaming and slut shaming doesn't do anything productive for anyone.

However, I don't agree that all displays of women in the media are positive and instead of displaying empowerment of women, they end up being degrading.  A Tilted Kilt was announced as "coming soon" in my hometown and this sparked a flurry of different reactions.  I'm not keen on this.  I don't particularly care if you choose to wear whatever to work, but I do care about an industry that makes money off of women proliferating gender stereotypes.  Waitresses make their wage off of tips.  If the work environment uniform is a short kilt and mid-riff, it's associating selling an aspect of your body in order to make your living.  That's what my problem with it is.  These waitresses will be exposed to a bevy of different customers, including those who are wonderful and those who are just crass or rude- the same as any waitress.  However, unlike an iHop, they're placed on display, much like the restaurant's decor.  Some waitresses don't mind and they make good tips, which is great for them.  However, I still don't like that association between work and sexuality.

With that, thanks for reading.  This turned into more of a rant, but hey, it's my blog.  Ultimately, I still encourage others to follow a multitude of different types of bloggers.  Personally, I don't follow people who reinforce gender stereotypes or place judgment on others when they have no real credibility themselves.  Woof, that's a lot to chew on.

Thanks for Reading!

Favorite Things Friday

 I have been loving magazines lately.  My favorite thing is getting them in the mail, because if I haven't already set it, getting mail is like Christmas morning.  I absolutely love getting letters, magazines, packages, etc.  It's probably 80% of the reasoning on why I have an Amazon Prime account...free two day shipping.  Living in Podunckville, CA (not really the name), I have become more obsessed with online shopping than ever before.

Speaking of Podunkville, did I tell you all about my salon experience?  I got my haircut this week.  I didn't actually ask how much hair was cut off but my ends are right about at the end of my ears and my hair was more than halfway down my back.  I'm guessing a good 12+ inches.  I had my hair cut about this length a couple of years ago and I hated it.  I was home for a break or a weekend and I had already joined ROTC.  I was also an avid moped rider on campus and we most definitely had to wear helmets.  Well combine helmet hair and a military bun and you've got yourself one messy hairdo.  Walking around in a blues uniform with messy hair is never fun so I decided to cut it off.  Well back in 2010, the hairdresser epically messed up the inverted bob and it didn't look right to me.  When I got back on campus, I had one of the Aveda salon school students (yep, the students) fix it and it was significantly better.  I literally lived across the street from the Aveda school my senior year.  My hair always looked nice due to the trip to the salon being a 5 minute walk away.

But back to the story, it was a bad time to get my hair cut short because of course, I wanted to do all of these hairstyles which required long hair.  I started using extensions again, etc. and couldn't wait until my hair could fit properly back into a bun.

Flash forward to a couple of days ago and I'm back with short hair!  The difference this time is that I had an awesome stylist.  I looked up reviews for salons in Podunckville and one salon came up with five Google reviews.  I thought, "well that's better than nothing." I thought it was well worth the effort to at least check it out.  I walked in and the seating area had plastic chairs, the kind you use at your neighborhood block party.  I definitely was judging the salon, but I think I was within good reason.  If your trusting someone to cut your hair, especially the length that I was going to, then they need to know what they're doing.  The salon had a bad paint job, cracked tiles, and some of the hairdressers were questionably on something other than the fumes of hair products.  Maybe that's a little rash, but this salon seriously needed a heavy dose of Tabitha's Salon Takeover.  This is when you ask me, "Kim, why did you trust them with your hair?"

I can't give you an honest answer to that.  I have no idea why I trusted them.  Probably because I was there, already sitting in a plastic chair and wanting to get my hair cut.  They failed to inform my hairdresser (whom I had never met) that they booked her for a 2:30 appointment, while she was gone on lunch.  This probably added to my dislike of the salon more.  Don't set up your co-workers for failure, ya know?  Well in walks the sweetest Asian lady I have ever met.  I think she kind of reminded me of my mom and then all of a sudden, everything got better.  I know it sounds strange. But she was amazing.  She explained every aspect of what she was going to do to my hair and did it exactly how I wanted it.  A couple of days later, I went back in  to make sure the back was trimmed up to military regulations (above the collar) and she did it for free! She was awesome and I'm not joking about that.  I really appreciated that she listened to exactly what I wanted and just had excellent customer service. 

We have some exciting news....

We're expecting....

A German Shepherd Puppy!

Haha did we fool you?  I thought it would be a clever play on an adorable Pinterest idea.  But we are actually getting another German Shepherd.  Right now, he is known as "Puppy C."

 

Have you seen anything more perfect?  After attempts of working with over five rescue agencies in the past year, it became obvious that for whatever reason- our age, being a young married couple, or being in the military, were actually deterring factors in rescue agencies working with us.  Which is actually incredibly frustrating since we have the financial means to add another dog to our home and a ton of love -- Holly is one spoiled pooch and we would love to have another dog.  After a recent attempt to get a dog named Max, it just didn't work out.  We went to the dog park to have Holly and him visit and he was a couple years older than her.  They didn't have the same energy level or drive to play, which is understandable due to their age, and one of the foster parents just didn't want to seem to want to give him up.  Fostering animals is hard, as I've heard, because you get attached.  It was such an awkward meeting as it seemed like the male foster parent was attempting to play devil's advocate, when in reality he was on the brink of just being rude and the female foster parent was doing the complete opposite.  It was a basically a hot and cold meeting that resulted in them not responding to an e-mail explaining that we have lousy reception and we would like to schedule a phone call and then we heard nothing back.   

I think it was irritating for us in working with these rescue agencies for several reasons but mainly for that feeling that we just wasted a lot of time.  Numerous applications, visits, phone calls, e-mails, and physical meetings have taken their toll on us and we finally just said, maybe another time.  I was constantly disappointed and willing to try another rescue agency to see if something else might work.  I love rescue agencies and all that they do for animals, because I love dogs, but each organization is different.  

Finally we just decided to get a dog through other means and we found a reputable breeder in Montana and we're getting that adorable little guy.  Ryan is going through a few name ideas, including "Blue," "Oden" and "Wilhelm." I'm excited to have this little guy around and for Holly to have a little GSD brother.    

Those were probably my two most favorite things of the week, but what about the interwebs?

 

This article from Feministing actually doing a review on how another article was trying to slut shame Beyonce.  Now if you didn't know, Beyonce's my girl and I won't stand for folks trying to slut shame her or anyone for that matter.  Not only that, but Beyonce is one helluva confident woman and business savvy.  She is iconic and going to rock the stage at the Superbowl halftime show.  She knows exactly what she's doing and in case you missed her performance of "I Was Here" for the United Nations World Humanitarian Day, you need to watch it. #loveher  

Speaking of iconic, amazing people, how about the couple from Young House Love?  I mean they're not as iconic as Beyonce, unless you love DIY.  John's recent post covered a leg of their book tour and I just love that they blog as a couple.  I really want to get their book and I wish I was somewhere close to one of their book signings. Grrr.  Neverthless, they're adorable and with a free download from them.  I was able to make our new calendar for this year.  I made it after I had a tequila shot and glass of White Zin...so it's a little bit sassy.

 

  

And December just wants to hang out over there --->

So that was my pretty awesome week thus far.  I have friends visiting from Camp Pendleton this weekend and a big upcoming test.  Wish me luck and thanks for reading!