Infant and Pregnancy Loss Day 2015

Infant and Pregnancy Loss Day

In celebrating our first baby's life, here is a poem that I kept on my desktop throughout this whole year.

I didn't know how today would go. For the most part I was so absorbed with moving into a different position at work that I was honestly more frustrated by the time the end of the work day approached. Part of me wanted today to go perfectly but then again how can it when something so wonderful was lost? 

Ultimately it was a beautiful moment for reflection. 

I picked up a candle called "surf" that smells amazing and reminds me so much of water, the ocean, and everything that I love about mother nature. Despite living in Big Sky country, the ocean will forever be calling my name. The candle was lit as part of something called a wave of light and candles were lit all around the world to help remember the babies who were loved so much but could only stay a short time.  

I also picked up a copy of Peter Pan and the latest Humans of New York book. I found it all so very fitting for today. Our little boy (I make the assumption that it was a boy based on the Erskine's overwhelming tendency to have boys) probably would have gone on so many adventures. The nursery is themed on adventures and I thought of no one more perfect than Peter Pan. The back cover seemed like a small prayer from God as it stated, "All children grow up but one." All I could think of is our little Rhinehart running around in heaven, probably being naughty.  I also think that Humans of New York is this one pocket of the internet that contains so much good and whenever I read the stories there, I just want my kids to believe and have hope and be excited about life.

When I got home and started putting everything together, it was a truly beautiful moment. I prayed for our baby and the babies of our friends who have also been lost.  I read a quote from Peter Pan that says:

You know that place between sleep and awake; the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I will always love you. That's where I'll be waiting.

I couldn't think of anything more perfect than that to cap off the night. So I'll be dreaming of all the adventures that little Rhinehart is having and all the beautiful family memories that we will make with our future children and that he is never forgotten.  

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