Infant and Pregnancy Loss Day 2015

Infant and Pregnancy Loss Day

In celebrating our first baby's life, here is a poem that I kept on my desktop throughout this whole year.

I didn't know how today would go. For the most part I was so absorbed with moving into a different position at work that I was honestly more frustrated by the time the end of the work day approached. Part of me wanted today to go perfectly but then again how can it when something so wonderful was lost? 

Ultimately it was a beautiful moment for reflection. 

Little Fierce Experience: Ectopic Pregnancy

This pregnancy has been such a crazy ride for me and Ryan.  We found on the 16th of April with four Clear Blue pregnancy tests that we were pregnant.  The sheer joy of that moment is so amazing and I will never forget it because it was so wonderful and pure in its existence.  On the 20th of April we found out, what doctors believed, to be a miscarriage.  It was so difficult on us because you need more than one blood draw to see if your hcg (pregnancy hormones) levels are going up or down.  For a successful pregnancy you want them to go up and they actually went down.  The waiting was the most difficult part.  It took three days to come up with that result and from then on I needed to monitor my hcg levels on a weekly basis so that meant going to the medical group once a week for blood draws.   The thing is, my hcg levels were going up.

Little Fierce Experience: Having a Miscarriage

Little Fierce Experience: Having a Miscarriage

Today marks one week since my miscarriage started. 

Today also marks one day since I submitted a paper for my counseling course on the topic of miscarriage.

My life is so filled with irony...it's ridiculous.

If you've followed my blog or know me in person, you know that I love babies and have had baby fever ever since I knew in my heart that I was going to marry Ryan.  So the prospect of having a baby is one that filled my heart with sheer joy.