50 Shades of Grey: Topics of Consent versus Non-Consent

Y'all I feel so worn out by all of the media coverage on 50 Shades.  So much of it is inaccurate and thrives off of BDSM being an area of relationships that people are both wary and unfamiliar with.  I don't want this post to focus on advocating for the book series because I enjoyed them with a grain of salt.  The writing is terrible and I think E.L. James needed to do more research in terms of true and accurate BDSM relationships.  If I'm getting down to brass tacks, I think she may have amplified a few stereotypes BUT I also believe that it opened up conversations and discussions that you see today.  What concerns me are all the posts and articles that discuss abuse based on scenes from the novels that are taken out of context.  BDSM involves dominant and submissive relationships that people simply do not understand and it also involves a lot of research.  BDSM is NOT under any circumstances an abusive relationship.  To say otherwise is grossly inappropriate.  I don't believe that the book series is a good example of BDSM but I will use the book's contents to hopefully explain some of the topics.

1. There is so much communication.  Both partners (or multiple partners) are in constant communication to ensure that their partner enjoying themselves and are comfortable with proceeding.

2. Everything is discussed and communicated between partners.  BDSM involves checklists and scripts- you know what's going on or what could go on in a scene.  Grey actually sits down with Ana to discuss everything and puts it into a contract. They are actually able to discuss what they are and are not comfortable with, including the use or lack of safe words.  BDSM highly incorporates the use of safewords.  If Ana is not comfortable with anything, she is able to voice that and Grey will listen.

3. The submissive (sub) controls the scene.  It seems ironic (since it's the sub) but he or she controls the scene because if he or she is uncomfortable- where's the fun in that? BDSM is another form of pleasure and intimacy.  The articles I have placed down below are great resources to dive into those topics.

4. BDSM is not always about sex, it can lead into other areas of your life.  I think James went about this strangely with the book because I don't think people fully understand that BDSM doesn't have to be all about whips and chains, but simply control.  Christian does this frequently throughout the book without leading into sex, which people view as stalking.  I think James' lack of explanation and thorough use of research put people in an awkward place with understanding the narrative and the culture of BDSM. 

5. Your pleasure may not be someone else's pleasure.  I put this post together because I was really concerned with how easily people wanted to label 50 Shades as abuse- especially from so many bloggers and Christian websites.  That has been really frustrating because I've read the articles and I don't feel that they're sourced properly.  It just overwhelmingly seems that this is a topic that people are uncomfortable with it so they prefer to demonize it. 

With all of that said, you or I or anyone does not have to be into this.  That's the beauty of it.  This is one way to approach a relationship, but it's not for everyone.  I would just caution so many media outlets and bloggers from labeling it as abuse.  Especially since I keep hearing people say that they haven't read it or are garnishing their opinions from the comments section of an article who authors haven't read it.  

Here are some other great articles:

25 Facts About BDSM That You Won't Learn from Fifty Shades of Grey

Buzzfeed's Kink Video

My friend Nicole wrote a great article about Christian Grey and relating it to Christianity.


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1 Week Left at MCCP!

Countdown: 1 Week Left

I'm super excited and this Friday will be the first time that I have ever worked with military movers.  I can't wait to start this new chapter in my life and I am so ready and anxious.  We finally have a rental property up my base, have a washer and dryer on hold via Craigslist and just need a refrigerator.

It's all a very "grown-up" adventure...complete with all of the stressors.

As I have garlic & herb chicken drumsticks marinating and waiting to be popped into the oven, I thought I would do a re-cap of my recents.

Ryan and I watched, "No Impact Man," last night and it was inspiring.  It's a documentary on the life of a family trying to leave virtually "no impact" on the planet and they did a great job.  I found myself cheering for them as they went through the different phases of the project and found myself disappointed at different media outlets and how people wanted to bring them down.  People don't want to feel guilty about their contribution to the trash on the planet or if they recycle or don't.  The documentary allowed Ryan and I to have a discussion on what we wanted to change about our habits to be a little more eco-friendly.  This can be as simple as using a different detergent and cleaning products.  That's not just better for the environment but better for you in general.  A little extra effort can also be very cost efficient.  Now I don't think I would go as far as stopping my use of toilet paper or electricity but I could definitely do more to be a little eco-friendly.

In other politically charged news...

So the brightest candle on the cake, Representative Todd Akin (R-MO), said late Sunday that he "misspoke" when he claimed that women who are victims of "legitimate rape" have biological defenses that fend off a pregnancy and therefore do not need legal abortion rights.

There are so many things wrong with what he said but the most concerning aspect is his mentality.  He said it.  At some point he thought it was perfectly ok to make that statement.

What medical practitioners is he talking to about a woman's reproductive system?  This man has the capability of making political decisions for women's rights.  Say whaaat?

It's disturbing and wrong.

He even used the term, "legitimate rape."

Because ya know, some are just pretendsies.

President Obama held a news conference and in this article he says,

"Rape is rape. And the idea that we should be parsing and qualifying and slicing what types of rape we are talking about doesn't make sense to the American people and certainly doesn't make sense to me. So what I think these comments do underscore is why we shouldn't have a bunch of politicians, a majority of whom are men, making health care decisions on behalf of women."

 Todd Akin's statements were completely out of line.  He had no medical reasoning in the statement and it was just straight up offensive.  I appreciated President Obama's statements because he said exactly what needed to be said in this situation.  The Romney-Ryan campaign has done everything to distance themselves from Akin (understandably so), but quickly threw out the statement that their campaign would allow for women who were raped to have access to abortions.  Mind you Paul Ryan has supported several bills, including the Personhood Bill.

None of his ideas support women's rights.

 Moving onto a less controversial topic

(my apologies if you're not political...not everything on my blog is 

but it is important to address the lack of women's rights). 

We had a walk through with our military housing office and everything looks great!

I pride myself (and by myself, I should probably give more credit to my husband) on our house not smelling like "dog." There's like a $250+ charge if your house ends up smelling like a pet...yikes!

She also said our carpets looked fantastic but the final walk through involves looking over it with a black light. Tehehehe little does she know that we have our own and I've already gone on many an adventure searching for puppy accidents.

Alright drumsticks are flipped over, so time for a new update.

While the chicken was cooking, I came across the show, Bunheads.

Love it! The main character is so sassy!

Of course the husby has bogarted the television for his Battlefield 3 needs, therefore I need to find it on Netflix because I need to catch up.

Earlier today I had an eye appointment.
P.S. I love going to the Optometrist (even though this one was kind of weird)

Have you ever heard of the company, Warby Parker?  They're gaining a lot of popularity for their reasonably priced glasses.  They also do the buy one, donate one program.  Buy a pair of glasses and they'll donate a pair to a child in need.

They have awesome customer service.  You can try out five pairs of glasses for five days to see what kind of frames you like.  I did this while Ryan was deployed and here were some of the pics I took.

I really like the Huxley Whiskey Tortoise and after my eye appointment today, 

I can officially get a pair.  

Wahooo!

Last night I finished Fifty Shades Darker via my Kindle Fire.

I have this bad habit of not finishing a series because I don't want it to end.

For example, haven't read the last Twilight book, waiting to finish Hunger Games,

not sure if I ever actually finished the Harry Potter series and voila now it's this.

I just get complacent about finishing books...it's weird.

I am now fairly determined though to finish these series because...

the movies have already come out

the show must go on!

Despite the criticism this series has received, I think people forget that it's a trashy romance novel.

Duh.

Therefore it cannot be compared to something with actual literary merit.

It's supposed to be a literary fantasy and that's what it does.

Christian Grey is not a realistic man...he's a dreamboat.

That should have been your first tip off, literary critics.

It's to play up on the fantasies of women and men and that's why it's so deliciously good.

One thing that I really liked about the series, so far, is how Christian Grey communicates the concept of consent with every aspect of their relationship.  That's something that you don't see in real life as often as needed or even in novels.  We need more communication in our relationships.

I've also been on the edge-of-my-seat with my fandom as I await to hear who the cast will be.

I've got a few ideas of who would play the characters amazingly well but we'll see what happens.

I was on Pinterest last night and saw a re-post of the photography from Barbie's wedding.
I know, totally random but it was amazing photography.
So that got me started on trying to find similar work.
Strangely enough, this is not the first time I've done this.
Nevertheless, I came across Mariel Clayton's work and it is beautiful and thought-provoking.
Not something you expect from a Barbie doll photoshoot
Some of it was really dark and a little morbid (just so you're warned).
I definitely think it's worth taking a look at all of it and just seeing how you feel about each piece.
Here are a few that really caught my eye:

Home Economy - Mariel Clayton Doll Photography

Supply - Mariel Clayton Doll Photography

Demand - Mariel Clayton Doll Photography

  What's even more interesting is that Clayton is entirely self-taught in her photography.
Her work ranges from every topic on the planet and even in her "about" section, she says that she can't explain how her ideas come to her but I think they're amazing.
All the photos are her original work and are from her website so go check them out.
These ones are from her 49/Rooms collection.

Well it's one day closer to the big move and I've had fun discussing my recents.

Be sure to check out my very first guest blog about living as stress free as possible over at Glam Hungry Mom!

xoxo,