Creating a Pinterest Extraordinaire Partner

Through a sweaty battle with the stair climber, I read Glennon's words on how she chose to communicate for effectively with her spouse Craig and it got me to thinking- am I communicating effectively with my partner? 

In Glennon's case, it was her birthday and as she lay in bed with anticipation for the day's excitement, it quickly dawned on her that the heaps of balloons and birthday cake were not happening.  She soon became upset and called her husband to scratch that day as her birthday and start all over again the next...kind of like a re-do.  When I first read that, I thought, "wow that sounds bratty." I mean, the world still turns regardless if it's your birthday or not.  However, Glennon took the time to explain to her husband how she grew up celebrating special occasions like birthdays.  Like me, Glennon takes birthdays and holidays seriously.  It's a time for celebration, but unlike Glennon, if the balloons and cake were forgotton, I would have normally let it slide. 

My spouse, Ryan, is not a romantic guy.  That very sentence is uttered so much in my life, it's kind of become a marriage slogan.  But it's true.  He's not a romantic guy and he also didn't grow up celebrating the way that I did.  I LOVE to throw themed parties.  I'm a details kind of gal, so any opportunity in which I can gather friends and stick them in themed sweaters is a good time to me.  However, Ryan never really grew up like that.  This would come to play in several scenarios in our young marriage.  You may have even read about our 2nd wedding anniversary fiasco.  I was so irate with him for eating our anniversary dinner without me that I walked up the stairs and cried for a little bit.  For some it may sound silly, but waves of disappointment came over me.  So when I read that chapter in Glennon's book, I realized that she may be onto something.

My spouse is not a mind reader.  I can't possibly put that expectation on him because it's too big of a burden.  He is however a kind and thoughtful man who loves me.  Ryan is always the first to admit that he appreciates some direction in surprising me or putting together an event.  So in Glennon's chapter when she lays out her expectations, as silly as it may have sounded to the reader, made a lot of sense to her husband and also to me.  The fact of the matter is that you can't expect flowers, candles, cake, and balloons if you don't express that.  My husband isn't going to magically turn into Pinterest husband extraordinaire overnight or on his own.  It forced me to reflect on all of the times that I've created high expectations for him without any guidance or direction.  Like when I was disappointed with Christmas because we weren't with family that year.  If I can't communicate that with him and figure out ways to combat sadness or disappointment, imagine how he feels.  He's also disappointed because he doesn't want me to be upset and then he feels like he has failed me.  All saddening emotions that could have been avoided through better communication.

Have you ever gone through this with your partner?  What things did you find most effective in helping build your communication?

Letting a Blog Breathe (Part I)

I've had this post dancing in my head for months now and it's going to be segmented into parts.  I have casually made mentions to specific bloggers, whom I admire, that qualities of their writing, posts, and their values that they express are aspects that I love about their blogs.  There's a sense of genuineness about certain blogs that stays with you.  It makes you want to follow them on Twitter and see their life through images on Instagram.  Their posts are a friendly invitation for people to get to know them better.  These are my favorite kind of blogs and have become a part of my blogging research.  This type of research has come from months of writing, dabbling in sponsorships, seeing my readership exceed 100 people, and coming to terms with being competitive in this blogging community.

For me, blogging has always been personal and about sharing.  Not everyone shares in this type of expectation, but that's ok.  There's a certain sense of delight I get when I come across a blog that is so open, fresh, and you could just fall in love with its author because she (or he) feels like a best-friend.  There was a point of frustration that came from months of build-up and you may have read some of those posts.  It was a breaking point that involved several realizations.  The first is that building up a readership without sponsoring other blogs and giveaways would be difficult.  It is hard to reach other people without putting in monetary value.  The good thing is that many bloggers seek out similar blogs in co-sponsorship for giveaways so if you like X Blogger, you'll probably like Y and Z as well.  However, for me that route doesn't feel like a good fit.  I've sponsored many blogs before but in order to receive real results from sponsorship, you need direct interaction with the host blogger.  That means they're tweeting about your posts, sharing information on you, having you as a guest post, etc.  The problem with that is those sponsorships are usually quite expensive.  If you don't see the results, you have to try again and try with other bloggers, which means more $$. 

As much as I love blogging, I can't justify putting in that much money each time to build up my readership.  It takes a toll on your budget and for some folks that's something worth investing, but for me I've also taken into consideration the state of the blogging community.  This is a fun place to be.  You have a variety of personalities that are fun, sassy, crafty, and some that make me wish Ryan and I were having a baby already.  Whatever you're looking for, you can find a blog to fit your needs.  However, I have noticed how financially driven it is and in order to be competitive with a large readership, you need to invest in it.  It's a circle where $ponsorship -> gain readers -> requires more blog posts (usually) -> review and giveaway offers -> more readers and it continues where you must feed the process in order for it to work.  It's not like I can invest in one or two, medium to large scale blogs, but I would need to invest in several and over several months.  Now that's a risk in which you need to have a secure relationship with the host blogger to ensure that you're getting what you've paid for and that you're receiving the results, either in page views or increase in readership.  There is always a button swap opportunity, however, I've found that does nothing.  In order to value your investment, you need that interaction and direct contact with their readership, not just standing idly in the sidebar.  That's just the first step to build up the numbers.  I could also invest in a giveaway and I am always appreciative of the offers to be a part of one, but at this time it's not for me.  Not that I don't like a giveaway, because I do, but at this point I've made a few decisions and I'll discuss those below. 

I've scaled back on my blog posts and their frequency because I want to focus on living.  I used to be so motivated to get those readership numbers up but I would rather have people here that want to read about the topics I've chosen and provide feedback.  Who doesn't love comments, but it's so much more than that.  I love the interaction, discussion, and dialogue.  Send me an e-mail, or comment on Instagram- I love that stuff.  For me, scaling back provides the opportunity to create quality blog posts on topics that I am not just interested in, but am passionate about.  Some things will be funny, random, and just fluff but I won't feel pressured to crank out 5 posts a week to build up readership.  Instead, I'm hoping that folks will have the chance to sit down with my posts and enjoy them, have time to catch up with me, and not feel pressured to speed read through them.  I've covered it before, so I won't dwell on it now, but I value quality blog posts.  I feel like there's an art to letting a blog breath; to give its readers time to actually enjoy the post instead of having to sacrifice quality for a need to keep spitting them out.  I'm almost certain that it takes time and experience to learn this and I'm still in the beginning stages.  I feel that by living, you maintain the integrity and quality of your posts- so that you don't have me getting in a tizzy over a glasses review by someone who doesn't wear glasses.  That point in the time, I was frustrated because I felt that there were so many aspects of this community that were either narcissistic or greedy.  But for me, I know that I am different than other people.  I'm a fun person, but I can also be very serious and I value honesty and integrity.  When I consistently saw lapses in both of these, I knew it was time for me to change my outlook on blogging and revamp my style to ensure I stay true to what I value.  This is when that blogging research came in and I found blogs that I just love.  I've deleted several and the main observation I've made is that we're just living two completely different lives or at two different points in our lives.  I may end up following those blogs again some day but at this point, I really like the direction I'm going in.

I want to share more about my life, what I value, and topics that I'm passionate about.  Jessica and I started a series about women because women's issues are important to us and we wanted to give them a personal spin.  This has always been an avenue for me to share and I want to show what life in Montana has been like and my thoughts on things going on that are affecting other folks.  Not only do I want to share more here, but I want to start a trend or a movement of sorts where when we see a post we like or comment on, that we share it.  That's the original concept of word-of-mouth.  If I like a post, I want to share it with others, not because it's an option in a giveaway, but because I think others would appreciate it.  Speaking of word-of-mouth, when it comes to reviews I stay with my policy that if I don't have experience with the product or I don't think it would truly benefit my readers, I'm not going to review it.  I have been in a position where companies have offered me something to review, but as a smaller blogger, it's usually "can you share this product in a blog post?" and I never actually get to review the product.  Whenever that happens, I explain to the company my stance on sharing products on my blog.  I don't have to receive free products to share them on my blog, in fact many of the reviews or things I even share on Instagram are things that I picked up and really liked.  I like to share things that have worked for me because I think others will like it too, but I value my integrity with these types of reviews and if you see something here, you're getting an honest review.  Not straight out of the box and I'm seeing it for the first time, but tried and tested.  The most recent one was with Shutterfly and instead of doing a review on phone cases, we found an alternative with products that I have used and chosen on my own.  That review will be on using Shutterfly for digital Project Life and I can't wait to talk more about it.  Documenting my life through this blog, writing, and pictures has been very important to me. I take pictures almost everyday through Instagram, but I want to take more everyday photos using my DSLR and point and shoot.  I need create realistic goals and I can't wait to have those down in writing to share with you. 

I've found blogs that to me are phenomenal and inspirational.  They could have thousands of followers or a couple hundred, but they have such charm and charisma. I plan on sharing them in Part II.  There are trends with what I like to follow but I also feel like it's created a formula in which I can find more blogs that I'm interested in.  Look for more of this in Part II.

If you like what you read, please feel free to share using the social media icons below or leaving me a comment.  Don't forget to sign up for the charm swap if you're interested in learning and sharing in the stories of other great women.  

Charmed Life Registration

Inspired by Kelle Hampton, author of the blog, Enjoying the Small Things, and the book, Bloom, we have a swap opportunity involving charms.  For her birthday she had all of her lady friends celebrate the lives of women by bringing a charm to her birthday party to swap.

So, a couple weeks ago, Heidi made plans and called our friend who owns a restaurant while I sent out an e-mail and asked The Net to come. I asked each woman to bring a charm--something that would be given to another woman that night. Any charm that represented the celebration and power of women--a favorite memory, a word of advice, a symbol of strength. It was a stretch, sure, and could damn near head down the cheesy "Wind Beneath my Wings" road, but maybe...just maybe...it would be magic.

There was laughter and bruschetta and peach fizzy drinks named after my girl. There was wild, good energy that wafted through the room like the first spring breeze that sweeps through open windows. And slowly, chairs gathered. First a few, then a few more. Bodies crowded, quilts spread out, and soon, there it was...one beautiful circle. No Wind Beneath my Wings cue or all-call to prick fingers and share blood. It happened, just like that.

"Look, it's happening," Heidi says.

"I know...it's just like I imagined," I replied.

And the rest of the night was magic. The Net at its finest.

We shared, until 2 in the morning, our pains, our joys, our challenges. We cheered each other on. We cried and hugged and thanked each other for being there. We said "this is incredible" and "how come we don't do this more often?" and inside we knew it was really special, meant to be saved for moments like this.

There is no way to really explain what happened in that room. The way each woman told her story. The way everyone listened. The way it seemed every charm was hand-picked for its recipient. The way I didn't want the night to end.

They drew names out of a hat and shared why they chose a specific charm to represent their life.  Each woman carried a sentimental part of a woman's life, symbolized in those charms.  I absolutely love this idea and wanted to bring it to the blogging community.  Therefore sign-ups to be a part of this beautiful moment will start Thursday, July 15th.  We're going to have two-three writing challenges of sorts that you can choose to be a part of, but don't feel obligated to and the swap will consist of a charm under $20 (most are like $5) and a card.  I am so excited about this and I hope that if you're reading this, you are too!

<a href="http://kimberlyersk1ne.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i1135.photobucket.com/albums/m640/kimberlyerskine/charmedlife_zps31338095.jpg" alt="TheSimplicity" width="125" height="120" /></a>

Rules
- Be able to respond to e-mails within 48 hours of receipt
- Be able to purchase a charm valued at $20 or less (again, most are like $5)
- Be able to mail the charm and a card to your partner

Registration starts the 15th and runs for 2 weeks (July 29th)!

Robin Thicke creates "blurred lines"

Thanks for the second hand smoke Robin Thicke

Robin Thicke's new song is blowing up the billboards with a steadfast hold on the number one position.  Its melody is incredibly catchy and quickly became one of my favorite songs, especially with the falsetto hook of OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you//But you're an animal, baby it's in your nature. It's incredibly hot and sassy, however, I quickly became turned off when I paid more attention to the lyrics.  Thicke is known for being a hypersexualized artist.  His crooning voice is used as an analogy for seduction and their are numerous references to his last name and a certain appendage on his body.  It gives him this bubble where he can say and do whatever he damn well pleases when it comes to referencing sex.

What's complicated about Thicke's song is that it so accurately describes what is considered ok within the relationship scene.  The overall message of "Blurred Lines" is that Thicke sees a woman that he wants to sleep with and he considers her image to be that of a "good girl."  What Thicke dances around in his lyrics is that the woman he continually references never says no but the background lyrics continue to lure the woman to Thicke with a repetitive chant of, you know you want it.  After continued repeats of those lyrics, you get Can't let it get past me//You're far from plastic//Talk about getting blasted//I hate these blurred lines.  So regardless of what this woman is saying, which the listener can presume is her denying his advances, he continually tries to get her to commit to some type of sexual act.  In the second verse, Thicke compliments the woman on her figure by the type of jeans she's wearing but it's quickly followed by you're the hottest bitch in this place.  I'm curious to know if Thicke actually feels that confident in using that line on a woman.  As a young woman, I feel like that remark would quickly receive a "my friends are calling me" type of comment or a slap in the face, depending on its delivery.   He was quick to defend himself in many interviews, saying that he's been in love with the same woman [his wife] since high school, but would he ever treat his wife like this?  

Lyrical genius tips its hat to T.I.'s third verse with a continuation of referring to women as bitches, referencing sexual acts of pulling her hair and smacking her ass, and the cake topper, I'll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two.  Yep, he's a charmer.  The really gross reality is that as far fetched as it sounds, these type of lyrics and how artists/actors hold themselves does reflect on society.  You would think that there would be enough of a distance between the dreamworld of the music industry and the reality of regular life.  However, in college I had a guy text me those exact words and I'm not talking about smacking my ass.

What's probably more disturbing is that Robin Thicke has put concepts of what he likes to consider a grey area and masked it in a catchy song.  Relating a song titled "Blurred Lines" to trying to hook up is relating lack of consent as an ok action.  It's gross, creates a really unbalanced dynamic between people, and also creates an unsafe environment.  Cosmopolitan Magazine did something very similar when they created an article about the grey area of rape.  A magazine that heavily tailors to the female-bodied population, they tip toed around a subject that affects 1 in 4 college aged women.  This type of language, lack of discussion, and approval of masochistic behavior only contributes to that culture.  To make matters worse, take a look at the music video.  The female "dancers" are wearing lingerie and what looks like saran wrap.  In the unrated version they're completely naked and in both, they're either sucking their fingers or running their tongue across their teeth.  So Thicke immediately shows that these girls, despite what they're saying, actually really want to get laid and that they're just sending mixed signals.  In many of the articles or interviews discussing the controversy of his lyrics, many men comment on the fact that a woman directed the music video.  I think this point is null and void, 1). it's the music industry 2). there are several women, especially in politics, who don't look out for the needs of other women.  Going back to the mixed signals concept, maybe some ladies like to be teases, but I think perpetuating the notion that a woman is lying when she says "no" is a dangerous and completely unsafe line to cross.  This only contributes to a culture that lets guys like Thicke let it be known that it's ok to demean women, treat them like property, and completely disregard their right to consent.

I brought this up with my husband and we got into a lengthy discussion about it.  It's no hidden truth that when you introduce alcohol or any type of social environment amongst young people, sex can happen (however, alcohol inhibits someone's ability to give consent).  We discussed how alcohol is often present at these events and two drunk people can end up hooking up.  It happens all the time in high school and college-aged folks.  But if a person is saying, I don't want to do X with you, then it's not ok for them to pressure that person.  The problem is that with Thicke's song, it's from his perspective and this woman is a conquest, not a person (And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl).  By holding the #1 spot on the charts, this type of message gets spread to young people.  Now people may be paying attention to lyrics or they may not, but the likelihood of this song getting played at a party is high.  This is exactly the type of environment where Thicke is encouraging behavior that disregards a person's wishes for someone else's selfish desires.  It's not ok and although I don't believe Thicke directly includes drinking alcohol in his song, the lyrics tip dangerously towards the idea that he is going to do whatever it takes to get this woman or to get her to express her "bad girl" side.

With 87,571,401 views on YouTube, I highly doubt that Thicke will feel negative effects.  One of his responses in a GQ article to the song was, "What a pleasure it is to degrade a woman. I've never gotten to do that before. I've always respected women."  When he received criticism and backlash for the song, he responded,

For me it’s about blurring the lines between men and women and how much we’re the same…and then there’s the other side of it which is the blurred lines between a good girl and a bad girl, and even very good girls all have little bad sides to them.

That message only works with my favorite line [the hook that I mentioned earlier] and probably would have been a great song.  However the song that was produced doesn't stick with celebrating sexuality and encouraging a woman to express her desires, it's a song about conquests.  It's very much a machismo perspective, especially with the music video.  The lyrics explicitly objectify women, regardless of how Thicke chooses to rebute the arguments, there's no misinterpretation with that.

Have you heard Thicke's song or read any of the interviews he's been a part of since its release?  What do you think?    

Charm Bracelets and The Ladies Room

 

Jessica, from Living La Vida Holoka, and I have been brainstorming a series of posts that we wanted to cover and have dubbed it "The Ladies Room."  Here we cover everything from our day-to-day lives being someone who runs the world (Queen Beyonce y'all) to issues that affect women on a global scale.  Sometimes the posts will be incredibly entertaining, other times just simply informative. 

Either way I'm really excited about this project and having the opportunity to get to know other ladies out there a little bit better.  If you're interested in writing something along these lines, let us know and we can send you the graphic, plus help spread the word :)

To top it all off, we have a unique swap opportunity that was inspired by Kelle Hampton, author of the blog, Enjoying the Small Things, and the book, Bloom.  In her book, for her birthday she had all of her lady friends celebrate the lives of women by bringing a charm to her birthday party to swap.  

So, a couple weeks ago, Heidi made plans and called our friend who owns a restaurant while I sent out an e-mail and asked The Net to come. I asked each woman to bring a charm--something that would be given to another woman that night. Any charm that represented the celebration and power of women--a favorite memory, a word of advice, a symbol of strength. It was a stretch, sure, and could damn near head down the cheesy "Wind Beneath my Wings" road, but maybe...just maybe...it would be magic.

There was laughter and bruschetta and peach fizzy drinks named after my girl. There was wild, good energy that wafted through the room like the first spring breeze that sweeps through open windows. And slowly, chairs gathered. First a few, then a few more. Bodies crowded, quilts spread out, and soon, there it was...one beautiful circle. No Wind Beneath my Wings cue or all-call to prick fingers and share blood. It happened, just like that.

"Look, it's happening," Heidi says.

"I know...it's just like I imagined," I replied.

And the rest of the night was magic. The Net at its finest.

We shared, until 2 in the morning, our pains, our joys, our challenges. We cheered each other on. We cried and hugged and thanked each other for being there. We said "this is incredible" and "how come we don't do this more often?" and inside we knew it was really special, meant to be saved for moments like this.

There is no way to really explain what happened in that room. The way each woman told her story. The way everyone listened. The way it seemed every charm was hand-picked for its recipient. The way I didn't want the night to end.

They drew names out of a hat and shared why they chose a specific charm to represent their life.  Each woman carried a sentimental part of a woman's life, symbolized in those charms.  I absolutely love this idea and wanted to bring it to the blogging community.  Therefore sign-ups to be a part of this beautiful moment will start Monday, July 15th.  We're going to have two-three writing challenges of sorts that you can choose to be a part of, but don't feel obligated to and the swap will consist of a charm under $20 (most are like $5) and a card.  Jessica and I are looking forward to seeing how this develops and perhaps we can turn this into a continuing project so that folks can add to their bracelets. I am so excited about this and I hope that if you're reading this, you are too!