4// The second evaluation
While I was doing my deputy upgrade for my job, I was really nervous for my first "real" evaluation. I actually experience anxiety when it comes to evals here and it makes the experience hella worse. It was a dual upgrade, meaning that it was new commander and a new deputy aka total newbs. At the turn, or what is halfway through the evaluation, we came to realize that we had made a major mistake and couldn't fix it since we were at the turn. Realizing that "oh shit" moment was big. My commander was very upset. She felt that she had failed me but the irony was that I had been a practice commander for a training eval while in tech school and I had messed up a scenario. I basically said to her, "It's ok. These things happen and we'll be alright. I know how these things go."
The experience was my first introduction to a new type of stress that I would experience under the banner of perfection in this career field. It was important that I experience it because helped light a fire under my ass to be a better player in this game. I worked harder, studied longer, and took alert after alert. It was my introduction to striving for a very specific perfection and protecting my check. It also showed me that this job could be exhausting and overwhelming.