Letting Your Light Shine: The Matthew 5:16 Project

When I got back from camp, there was such a light inside of me.  Everywhere I looked, there was God.  He made the beautiful desert canyon, the smiles on people's faces, and the hilariously ironic moments of my life.  Above all else, I learned and grew in the idea that God has a sense of humor.  So much so that it would cause me to laugh throughout the day at the little things that He would do to put a smile on my face.  It almost felt like a really happy dating relationship, without that getting too weird of a concept ;)

But that's the thing about coming back from camps or conferences that focus on your relationship with God.  Your heart is soaked in His message and your mind is zoned in on focusing on being more Christ-like.  While at camp, I had the opportunity to relish in prayer and conversation with Him.  He spoke to me through prayer and the dialogue we had was amazing.  It was refreshing and wonderful.  My friend, and fellow YL leader, Rhonda spoke about how she sees God in everything.  From the beauty of nature, to smiles, to babies, to everything good in life.  That mentality and the goodness of that week was so enriching for my soul.

A Young Life Experience- Megan's Reflections

You might have seen some Young Life related Instagram shots this past week.  I may or may not have flooded your Instagram feeds a few times with blurry shots of feet, human pyramids, soda challenges, and other ridiculous things.  But don't worry, it was just an Instagram-themed Young Life.

Young Life is amazing and I want to pour my heart and soul into so many posts describing why it is so, but I first put up a picture of it on Instagram.

 

I first decided to become a leader with Young Life because of my friend Michael but I was really moved to see that Young Life was a part of many of my friends' lives as they were growing up.  Admittedly I was a little jealous because little Catholic Kim would have loved to have gone to Young Life as a high school student.  Now I didn't go girls gone wild in college, but I definitely wanted a stronger foundation with the Lord and Young Life gives high students that opportunity if they want it.

After I saw the comments, I asked a few of my friends if they would be interested in being a guest blogger and talking about their experiences.  Megan responded right away!  She and I grew up together and one of my favorite memories was her love of Nsync and performing in talent shows together.  Today is an incredibly confident, fashionable, smart, trendy, and lovely woman who is a very witty blogger.  Big thanks to Megan for sharing her Young Life story.

I May Be a Friend of the World

Not that I've committed adultery or anything but I've been thinking of that concept of being a friend of the world for awhile now.  In one of my small group Bible studies, a lady brought up how she thinks that the movement of tolerance is causing us to be less-Godly people.  That definitely struck a nerve with me.  The topic of being a friend of the world versus being invested in God has been circulating through this specific small group and it's caused me to think on that so much in terms of my relationship with God.

"You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God," James 4:4

Well shit, am I an enemy of God because I care about tolerance? I certainly don't think so.  I don't think that being gay is a lifestyle because I know that's just another human being, many of whom are close friends of mine.  It's just another person who has feelings, emotions, cares, struggles, and sacrifices.  Do I think that a culture that surrounds hyper sexuality and the degradation of women is terrible and unGodly?  Definitely.  However, I do think that there needs to be more open discussion and conversation about sex because people have no idea what they're talking about or understanding what birth control does.  I think we need to be encouraging our young men (and young women) to be better people.  Do all of these things make me more of a friend of the world.  It just might.  I certainly don't want to be an enemy to the Lord but after so much praying, I truly know that God doesn't care that I support certain things because I see the good in people.  Now you may disagree with me on that on so many levels, but at this point, I'm not going to struggle with that.  I try to be a good person, follow scripture, and spread love.  That's it.  I talk about my relationship with God on my blog and other social media accounts but I certainly don't mean to shove religion down others' throats.  If people are interested, I love to save a seat in church so that they always feel welcome.

I recently discovered that many Christians don't celebrate Halloween because they relate it to devil worship.  I grew up very Catholic and had never heard of that.  I also come from a culture that celebrates Day of the Dead in the Philippines.  Aspects of Halloween, dressing up, celebrating our ancestors, candy, whatever- I just simply don't equate that to devil worship.  I love Halloween. I think it's so much fun and is completely innocent.  If you don't celebrate it, I have no qualms with that but I will be frank in saying that its origins come from various sources and often times relate to poverty and entertainment. 

I've seen folks choose not to celebrate Christmas with the idea of Santa or even silly things like Elf on the Shelf because they believe it doesn't truly celebrate the meaning of the holiday.  Maybe they're right, however, some of my happiest memories are of Christmases filled with Christmas decorations, presents, and goodwill.  My family was able to dually celebrate with gifts and instill in me the understanding of what it means to share that with others and to understand why we give gifts.  The fact that my parents went out of their way to make sure we got a letter back from Santa on Christmas morning was something that I cherish.  I know that my children will have the character of Santa and Elf on the Shelf and the Christmas mouse or whomever in their lives.

Maybe these things make me more a friend of the world, but I can guarantee you that I will continue to do my best to be a good person and to share that with others.   


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Why God Put Me in Montana

 

Before I came to Montana I was so excited for the new adventure.  I had never been to Montana or anything remotely close to "big sky country" and I felt like I was going to come across something so wonderful and memorable.  

When I first got here, I was sorely disappointed.  

That's not to say that Montana isn't beautiful, because it is.  It's so beautiful that on some of my alerts, I'll be driving out to the sites and my breath is still taken away by the landscape. There are mountains that will truly floor you just to see God's wonder and rolling hills that you can only dream of.  However, that wasn't Great Falls.

Man oh man I struggled and sometimes I still do.  Driving into the town, you could have seen my morale go shooting down a slide.  The "busiest road in Montana" otherwise known as 10th here has so many businesses that haven't seen a renovation in years.  Driving through, it seemed well, dirty and definitely not kept.  I soon discovered that to leave the town, cities like Missoula and Bozeman were three or more hours away.  Yikes!

All of this contributed to how I decided to shape my attitude.  It definitely wasn't a good one.  I found myself missing home so much that it would put me into the worst moods.  I missed my family and friends.  I missed being able to pick up some Chipotle or visit Marshall's to pick up a new outfit.  I missed going to Hilldale Mall in Madison and having all of my favorite things there.  I missed mega-Target.

I realized that it would be four+ miserable years if I continued with this.  So I slowly began the process of changing my outlook.  I knew that my church community was going to help so much in the process.  Instead of holding back, I started joining small groups and Bible studies.  I felt the Lord challenging me to reach out and develop my relationship with Christ.  It was one of the best decisions I ever made because I am obsessed with my small groups.  I have met so many amazing people who have taught me things about the world and about myself.  All of this from a community that I originally thought was "too small town."  I then started volunteering more and I currently volunteer with a Girl Scouts group as they practice to compete in a robotics competition.  Never did I ever think I would be doing this but my background in advertisement and public relations made me an ideal candidate to become a coach.  Now I'm working with girls to build their confidence, their public speaking skills, and to hopefully help them win.  

So why did God send me to Montana?

He sent me to Montana for several reasons.  The most obvious is that Malmstrom AFB is here and the nuclear mission needed more missileers.  He sent me through Air Force ROTC because he knew my passion, dedication, and gratefulness to this country would make me a good officer.  He also understood that I would work my ass off to be the best officer I could be.  

The Lord sent me to Montana because I needed to break out of my comfort zone.  I needed a space to work on my marriage that had been so unconventional from the start.  For the first time, Ryan and I were living together instead of being separated by deployments, orders, or distance.  We needed a space to figure out how he other worked, what upset us, what brought us joy, and for us to have the time to build on a beautiful life together.

The Lord sent me to Montana because he knew that I needed to help others but at the same time be humbled.  When I first got here, I thought I was better than this city.  I had a college education from one of the best schools in the world and I couldn't understand why this place didn't want to be more progressive.  I needed to be humbled because many of the folks here are intelligent, kind, and care more for others than themselves.  I was leaving the selfishness that I had recently lived in.  It was a place of young people almost needing to go out to the bars to fulfill their need for human interaction and an attempt at relationships.  That need to feel wanted because you were young and beautiful and alcohol made everyone social.  The need to be so materialistic and buy whatever you felt compelled to purchase because the 30+ short dresses in my closet weren't enough.

So the Lord put in a place where there were few stores and instead, replaced the amount of shopping opportunities with just wonderful people who needed me and I needed them.  The Lord put in a place where everything that was sort of similar to my college experience was hours and hours away.  I needed to become a better person here first and learn to help build up my community.  

I need to fall in love with Great Falls.

It didn't just stop there.  I needed to be humbled about myself and that despite being a young person, I am just human.  Instead of being naturally good at everything, I had to spend hours and hours everyday studying in a career field that has rocked my confidence to the core.  I gained weight to realize that despite being 23, I still had a woman's body that would naturally gain weight in areas that made fitting into my old clothes nearly impossible.  I was forced to give up clothes filled with memories that really didn't fit but to also purchase new ones to make me feel confident in having hips and curves.  I had to learn that despite my natural athletic ability, I was going to have to work my ass off (literally) but to also learn to love my new shape.

The Lord sent me to Montana for many reasons but I know the Lord sent me here because I needed to build a relationship with Him.  I had so badly wanted that in college and struggled.  I let so many contributing factors, especially my failing relationships with guys, contribute to how I felt about myself.  I became a friend to myself instead of a friend of the Lord.  When Ryan came into my  life I knew that this was the start of a journey that God, HIMSELF, was guiding because He knew that I needed this so badly.

God put me in Great Falls so that I would have the time, space, and opportunity to become a better person.

A Reflection on Francine Rivers' Redeeming Love

Last summer, after I discovered Ruthie Hart's blog, I saw a few of her book recommendations and she so strongly encouraged people to read Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers.  I respect Ruthie's opinion and during the days when Ryan and I only had one care, waited for him and trekked to Barnes and Noble.  That was also the day that I ran into a very elderly man who would not leave me alone, but that's another story.  Over the next few months, Redeeming Love collected dust on one of my numerous book shelves as it waited for me to pour through its pages.  I started it after one of my alerts and couldn't put it down.  I became enamored with the characters and I wanted to see Angel succeed and find the love of God.  After starting it, it only seemed fitting that I would share an Instagram photo and I received so many "likes" and comments.  I even got more book recommendations on what to read by Francine Rivers.  After reading Redeeming Love, I know that I will definitely be checking out more of her work. 

If it were a movie, don't you think Hayden would be a perfect Angel?  She's beautiful but sassy and I think it would be awesome to see her in this role.  Plus Henry Cavill is so handsome, a perfect Hosea!

As much as I like book reviews, I think I'm going to stay away from that and try to apply this one specifically to my life and why I like them versus why everyone should read it.  Hopefully this works, so bear with me.

Angel is a prostitute during the gold rush in California.  Originally from the East Coast, she was sold into prositution and her earlier life wasn't any kinder to her.  Growing up, she grew cold and bitter at life and stopped trusting people, especially men.  Michael Hosea is a farmer who conveniently is in the gold rush town to sell goods when he sees Angel for the first time.  He immediately feels a call from God that this woman should be his wife.  The story goes on to tell their trials and tribulations in the theme of Gomer and Hosea, a story from the Bible. 

Y'all, I loved this book! 

Most of the book focuses on Angel's character development.  I think Rivers could have gone further into this and at times I did feel like she went a little too briefly over some of Angel's past.  I think it would have helped the reader to understand why Angel's personality was so hardened.  Rivers' lack of detail kind of forced the reader to side with Michael Hosea but that's not necessarily a bad thing.  I loved the character of Michael Hosea.  I would have loved to read this in high school, especially those times when you feel like you're never going to find a good guy to date.  I should have probably read this in college too, to be honest.  Michael Hosea represents all good men.  Men of their word who have honor and a quiet strength about them.  He had never-ending love and patience for Angel, regardless of how difficult she made life for him.  I also loved the new characters and families that were introduced later in the book.  It was as if you were growing with this couple in their love.

This book made me pause in reflection with my own marriage.  I wrote earlier in this post that I probably should have read this book in college, just because I was at a point where I was really frustrated with my personal relationships.  I was casually dating and I almost felt like I was dating just for the sake of dating.  The guys in college were smart, handsome, and career-driven.  I'm sure if I looked any of them up, they were probably successful in buckling down a job right away.  One of them was part of the NFL Draft and from what I understand, is at the very least, practicing with a professional team.  Despite how these guys looked on paper, I was rarely truly happy.  I've written about this before but there was definitely a point where I was almost certain that no guy that I met in college was going to follow me through the Air Force.  It was a sad thought and one that I just came to terms with at that time.  I decided that I should still date but these relationships quickly turned out to be fleeting and at surface-level I said that I just wanted it be casual, but deep down it hurt that I didn't think that I would be able to have more.  I remember spending nights incredibly frustrated, staring at texts, trying to decipher what each thing meant.  I would try not to put too much thought into each of these small details, but after awhile it was just exhausting. 

Ruth, the mom of one of my best-friends, said that we just need to be happy.  We wanted that quality relationship, but we were letting ourselves focus on things that weren't important.  She said that we needed to make ourselves happy first and then we'd soon find out that people are attracted to happy people.

So I prayed.  I often prayed while walking to the ROTC detachment on campus and I prayed on the long walks back to my sorority house.  I asked God to help me in my pursuit to be happy and I'll just do my best to put faith in the situation.  I didn't let go right away.  I was dating a really nice guy who right now is on his way to becoming a doctor.  I knew that the relationship wasn't going to go anywhere, but looking back part of me thinks that I was just really worried to be alone.  Maybe I was 50 shades of shallow in college, but regardless of what front you put up to the world with your organizations and leadership titles, you could still be lonely.  So somewhere in that flurry of figuring out personal relationships, Ryan, my future husband, walked back into my life.

I like to think of Ryan as a gift from God because I seriously was not expecting him at all.  He was literally in Afghanistan when he started talking to me and I was in Wisconsin.  All I knew was that he had me swooning.  He was 1). incredibly handsome 2). a Marine (ladies, a man in uniform, c'mon), and 3). we could have hours of conversation.  In reading Redeeming Love, whenever God spoke with Michael, I could relate to feelings of excitement and confusion.  I could also relate to Angel with feelings of distrust.  I wanted to fall in love with Ryan but I didn't want to end up looking like the college girl idiot who had fallen for another impossible relationship.  There was a distinct moment in which I was very upfront with him and basically laid it out that if he wanted to have a casual thing while he was on leave that was fine.  I went further and said that there was no need for him to basically tell me all of these sweet things, if that was the case. I think I hurt his feelings.  I was honestly worried that his post-deployment leave meant that he was going to be hooking up with girls from back home until he had to head back to his base.  Fortunately that wasn't the case.  For me that verbal declaration gave me some semblance of power in the relationship knowing that I could say that I didn't care that it was casual, as long as we both understood that.  It was actually really hard for me to say that, especially to Ryan because I cared so much for him.  It basically helped create a boundary to hopefully help prevent any hurt. 

I didn't want it to be casual, I loved him and I knew he was in my life for a reason. 

There was a hiccup in our dating where after we decided that despite long distance we were going to make it work, I could tell he was distancing himself from me.  That was hard to take because I was certain that we were falling apart and that would have only reinforced every negative bias I had for relationships.  I was sitting on my bed and received a phone call from him saying that he thought that we maybe should go back to what we were before we made it official.  I was trying to keep my composure but I was really torn up over that.  I finally had this beautiful relationship and then the other half of the equation wanted it be casual.  I was heartbroken.  I remember sobbing to my sorority sister, Lindsey and she was such a calming light in that really dark time for me.  What you've got to understand is that by that point in time I thought I finally had this relationship that I deserved.  I had this beautiful man who loved me and wasn't out to use me and then BAM there it all went.  I was devastated and my self-worth was probably at an all time low.  I remember Ryan texting me and I could barely text him back.  I didn't want to.  Memories of miserable college-relationships, fueled with frat dance parties and beer came to mind.  

More praying happened and I basically felt like God (and Lindsey) were telling me that if I let it go and if he was the good man that I knew he was, he'd come back to me. 

Within the next couple of days, Ryan apologized and said he made a terrible mistake and that we should be in a relationship together.  He had been hurt in prior relationships before and he didn't want to see ours fall apart due to the distance.  Of course, me being headstrong and loyal, had no idea where he was coming from with that.  He had gone to a party with his Marine friends and realized that all he wanted was to be with me, not surrounded by these people or dancing with any other girl.

A few weeks later he asked me what I thought about marrying him.

I totally thought he was kidding but that's a story that I'm sure I've told many times here.

Reading Redeeming Love reminded me that sometimes you just have to let faith and hope do work.  Not everything can be planned and managed, but you grow in faith and love.  This story also taught me what it means to be a more earnest partner and spouse. 

I recommend this book, whether you're married or not.  I speaks volumes on patience, love, and compassion.  I also loved the characters in the book.

Have you read Redeeming Love or any of Francine Rivers' other works?  What did you think?

My Experience with Water Baptism

This is my year for Opportunity and I feel like God has been reaching out to me and blessing me in so many ways.  I finally am at the point where I could experience this and by sharing it with my family, friends, and readers of my blog, maybe I can inspire you as well.

 

This Sunday I was baptized at my new church home.  It was a thrilling and surreal experience that I have been wanting to partake in for a long time.  I was baptized as a baby in the Catholic Church and went through the entire list of sacraments up through Confirmation, however, I don't follow the Catholic Church.  I spoke about my church and faith experiences in a previous post, but I wanted to truly connect to God.  I felt like I was following a set of rules because an organization of people was telling me to and I didn't necessarily feel a spiritual link to this almighty being.  I did everything they told me to, from going to mass and Wednesday CCD, but it still felt either foreign or forced.  Praying to Christ felt far more comfortable in the setting of a conversation and I would pray to him about all of this.  While in college, I developed a love and yearning to follow in the path of Christ, but I didn't know what that necessarily meant.  I did know that I wanted to proclaim my love and devotion to Christ as an adult.  I had been praying about it throughout my college experience and when I got here (Montana) and discovered the new church I now belong to, I knew the time was right.

After taking a class and speaking with Pastor Kern, I was baptized at the service following the class.  It was such a cool experience and one that I highly recommend to those who are reconnecting to their faith.  Being placed in the water was such a beautiful moment.  I felt like God was reaching out to me and telling me that He was so glad that I made this decision, that I was finally content in who I am as a person that I could publicly declare this.  The church family has been so welcoming and open, I have never felt safer in making this decision.  A couple sitting next to me offered to take these pictures for me.

Exodus 14:14 The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.

The scripture speaks to me on so many levels and it was crazy today because as I was listening to the service, I felt like God was telling me that I needed to become a pastor.  I know, it sounds so strange but I couldn't stop thinking about it and I have never thought about that as a career path.  Right now I'm looking at graduate school programs and came across Liberty University, where pastor Jarrid Wilson attends.  He is the Tennessee pastor that I think is truly helping bring young people into the church in a safe, non-judgmental environment.  I have so many thoughts going through my head right now and I'm not entirely sure how to process it all but I'm definitely willing to learn more.  I want to go where God will lead me.  I trust Him.  

Finding a Church Home

 

I don't normally talk about faith here, but I wanted to talk about faith because on Easter Sunday I came across the most amazing church but the journey didn't just start there. I have always had a great relationship with Christ.  In times of joy, fear, or sorrow, I pray to him.  This relationship with God went through waves while I was in college.

I grew up in the Catholic church and went to CCD every Wednesday. I was a devout Catholic and went to church despite not feeling inspired. From my experience, most kids can't stand to sit through an hour long mass but that was what "going to church" was like for us. CCD was a little more tolerable, especially as we got older. One of my friends' dads became our weekly instructor for class and he was an awesome guy. Those classes were far more inspirational than any mass with instilling a sense of faith. I didn't want the Catholic church to me by sole source for the word of God, because most of us were cafeteria Catholics, picking and choosing what fit into our lives. Plus as I got older and confirmation rolled around, I found myself disagreeing with most of the religious doctrine to the point where I really didn't follow enough of it to probably be considered a devout Catholic. However, my family being Filipino-Irish were all Catholics and I went through the entire process of holy sacraments. 

When I got to college, I went to Catholic Church a few times on my own. Ash Wednesday is one of my favorite masses and Palm Sunday as a kid always meant turning the palms into crosses with my mom. I held it dear as many Catholic celebrations brought up wonderful family memories. However in college, I met other people who took me to other Christian organizations and I fell in love with their style of worship. I've always loved to sing, ever since I was little kid. That was my favorite aspect of mass, even though the music can be a bit archaic (it's just not my type). Worshipping with other Christians and singing contemporary music was so uplifting. For me, singing is like praying twice. I love it.

However that didn't mean that I always liked the message that was being portrayed. I found myself attending one college service for the excellent worship and going to Greek InterVarsity for the small group unity. Greek InterVarsity is a Christian organization that assists the Greek system (sororities and fraternities) in finding their way to Christ. Eric and Jen, two of our advisors, were this fantastic young married couple who were always welcoming and so filled with love. With their assistance, I went to two-three Greek conferences in Indiana and loved attending our weekly meetings to talk about God. I had a great time with them and wish I would have made more time for them in my later years at college. At one Greek IV conference they had a guest speaker who was just completely ignorant to the world around him and spoke of his mission trip to the Philippines and was mocking the culture and traditions there. I was infuriated and Jen and Eric did a phenomenal job of supporting me through that really confusing event. Although it was a poor choice in speakers and not the organization, I had a difficult time going back to group events like that. Faith journeys are already fragile as is, with people coming from so many different areas of life, to have an a-hole of a speaker like that was the last thing I needed.

I rarely went to church in college, just because of my crazy schedule, but when I did go, I loved attending a church in Madison called Blackhawk. The Evangelical church is so beautiful and I loved the community there. They were even kind enough to provide buses for the students to take them to the church and back to campus. They also created a program where church members could "adopt" a college student and I met an amazing family through that program. They were such a wonderful part of my freshman year of college and even celebrated holidays with me. 

As fun as the experience of that church provided another perspective, I still allowed excuses to fill in my everyday and I was still seeking to grow my relationship with God. 

Ryan was never truly into going to church services so we didn't really ever attend church in Oceanside while he was stationed at Camp Pendleton. While I was at training in the central coast of California, my roommate and I found a church to attend and at first it seemed right up my alley. Then the pastor started doing really weird sermons and started preaching in a way that I didn't appreciate. It got the point where my roommate and I chose not to volunteer at the church or attend services. 

I was becoming more and more frustrated because I thought that I was going to have to settle for a church that I was less than thrilled with. I would see on Instagram or through other bloggers, really fantastic church communities that really focused on love and in a way, loved like Jesus did. When we moved to Montana, my quest to find another church continued. 

Around this time I found pastor Jarrid Wilson on Instagram and he describes himself as a gospel sharing misfit. He doesn't look like a typical pastor and that in itself intrigued me. He was just another young person looking to share God's word. I spent like an hour looking over his blog and Instagram feed and he was just an inspiring person. I bought his book 30 Words and have loved his young person perspective towards the word of the Lord. I definitely want to see one of his sermons in person some day and he'll be getting married in like less than a month to his beautiful fiancee. They seem like such awesome people, couldn't be happier. Definitely check out his blog and he also has podcasts that you can download for free on iTunes. 

Jarrid sparked an interest in me to really look for a church home instead of just a place to go to church, if that makes sense? So when Easter rolled around, Ryan was attending our friends' wedding in California and I was still in Montana. I decided to attend Easter mass with a couple that we're good friends with. I was excited to open my heart to Lord, especially since we have a lot to be joyous for when it comes to Easter. I was rudely made aware of why I don't like Catholic mass as the priest was all over the place. It was the worst homily I had ever heard, and I've attended Catholic mass for 18 years. It was disappointing and left a bad taste in my mouth. I felt like God was speaking to me and was saying that the mass I attended wasn't meant for me and I needed to seek a different experience. The mass got out at 10:20 and I found out that a non-denominational church that I was interested in was having another service at 11:00. I went over there and it reminded me of a smaller version of Blackhawk. Everyone was so incredibly friendly and welcomed me with open arms. The worship was inspiring and the sermon was captivating. I wholeheartedly took in God's word that day and could not wait to go to next Sunday's service.  I couldn't wait to share this with my friends and declare this place as my new church home. I don't normally do that and this is the first church that I've felt truly connected to. The "next" service was today's and it was just as inspiring as the last. I am so excited, happy, and thrilled to grow in my relationship with God and grow with this church.