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Heather Lindsey's vlog post reminded me of many of my own "deal breakers" that I established when I was single. I always felt like my deal breakers were adjusting, which is literally breaking the deal despite having those blocks.
I loved God so much throughout my college experience but I struggled with the idea of finding a church home and experiencing and exploring my religion. I grew up Catholic but I don't necessarily like Catholic mass so I explored a couple other sects of Christianity and I think all of them have things that I may or may not like but many of them share great commonalities. I so wished that I had a stronger faith during the time of college because I think it would have helped me establish how I approached relationships.
I loved how Heather described her experience because we had a pretty similar perspective on how our college experiences went. God has a plan for our lives but I was constantly pushing it, rushing it, and trying to create my own experience instead of working on my faith, making myself happy, and being a better person. Instead I felt like I was using "tricks" of sorts and those usually revolved around my looks, tight clothes, dancing, flirting and alcohol. None of which are the pillars for a strong foundation when it comes to a relationship. Due to that I found relationships that fulfilled a temporary need.
Despite having wavering "deal breakers," they usually won out in the end and here they are:
1. He must have a purpose with his life. He needs to have goals, ambitions, and dreams.
The amazing thing about college is that you are surrounded by people who are working so hard towards their dreams. It's literally such a privilege to watch because you have people from various backgrounds literally living the American dream. When it's 2 am and you're finishing a paper, it may not feel like it but you're living through an education and becoming a more intelligent human being. I loved college solely for the idea of having opportunities every where you turned. Due to this, I think this first deal breaker was pretty easy to have in place because every guy that I knew, whether romantically or as friends had dreams and ambitions. We all did and it's pretty cool to see them lived out.
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2. Be a man of not just his word, but also of his actions.
If a man says he's going to do something, then he needs to follow through with his commitments. I think this is really difficult for young men these days. It's so much easier to just be flakey and then blame it on your friend, your girlfriend, or some girl being too clingy or too needy or simply asking too much. I think there is a true art in being someone of your word and following through with your actions. I actually got to see this in action where I was wavering in my decision to see a relationship through for a longer period of time or just drop it. It was through his decisions that he accidentally left me to walk 45 minutes home by myself around 1 or 2 am. I ran into a group of guys, which was terrifying at the time, but turned out to be Navy ROTC boys who walked me home instead. The guys didn't know me but they were gentlemen who walked me home and bought me a Shamrock Shake. If people that I just met were able to follow through on that, yet someone who I was "seeing" couldn't do that- there's a problem.
3. He is a kind man with a kind heart.
One of the things that I love most about Ryan is that he has the potential to love so many things in his life and he truly has such a good heart. I know that he is going to be a great dad one day because of how he treats others and the fact that he already has certain ambitions to be a great dad.
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4. A man who makes me feel safe.
With the second deal breaker, I obviously did not feel safe in that situation and that also applies to this one. If I don't feel safe with you or you purposely put me in a dangerous situation, we absolutely would not have worked. Ryan not only physically makes me safe with his military experience and gun knowledge, but through his household planning. Ryan is incredibly financially responsible and he plans ahead and creates a budget so that we can not only live very comfortably, but also have fun.
5. Someone who I'm attracted to.
Lindsey brought this up as well and although some people make think it's shallow, it was important to me. I wanted to be physically attracted to whomever I was dating. He had to have that spark. Not just looks, but he also had to make me laugh and have someone who was just fun to be around. If someone was devilishly handsome and charming, but didn't make me feel safe or didn't cause me to think, it never worked out. However, on the same end if someone was brilliant but didn't fulfill any of those other areas, I had a really hard time finding myself attracted to him.
Those were probably my most basic deal breakers, however, did you have deal breakers later on that you wish you had when you were younger? Well that's tomorrow's post... :)