A Picture A Day While You're Away- Otherwise Known as How I Survived a Deployment

My prayers go to the families of the Marines that were tragically killed in the training exercise.
I can only imagine a fraction of what their families are going through and my heart breaks for them.
These types of tragedies, deployments and periods of separation make military relationships so difficult, whether it's your sibling, child, partner, or spouse.

Did anyone catch last night's second episode of the new season of Army Wives (From the Ashes)? It involved the introduction of a lot of new characters, including the timid yet talented pie maker, Holly Truman.  When Roxy came to speak with her about a new business endeavor involving her delicious pies, it came to Roxy's attention that Holly was a newly married Army wife experiencing her first deployment.  Holly broke down and burst into tears.  She had only been married for six months when her husband left for Afghanistan.  Um is this a chapter from my life?  Ryan and I had only been married six months (lived together for three) when he left for his second deployment to Afghanistan.  I was finishing my senior year of college, finishing up my last year of ROTC to commission as an officer, and this was my first go-around being in a relationship, let alone married, and going through a deployment.  Holy shit. Yup, at times that expletive phrase could only describe what it felt like going through all of that.

I was far from any military base and surrounded by college kids.  Very few people could understand what I was going through.  I was 22, married, and my husband was deployed.  Not a typical situation you would find at the University of Wisconsin.  Not like I was part of the norm already.  I was in ROTC so I was one of the college kids you would find occasionally in a military uniform, in a sorority, worked multiple jobs, was a House Fellow (otherwise known as an R.A.), and so much more.  It was a lot to take on but I always appreciated being busy.  People often said to me, "I could never do it," and would look to me with such admiration and respect.  In all reality, you put yourself through all of that because you love someone so much.  That's all you can do.

Going into the deployment, my main goal was to make the most out of the experience.  I was not going to turn to alcohol, food, or to cheating (yikes on that last one) to get me through the separation.  Instead, I filled my life with a lot of positive energy.  I knew that I had to stay busy, more than I already was because it's the moment of true quietness that truly brings reality home.  It's a reality that you don't really want to think about, especially when the love of your life is in harm's way.

The two things that I was most known for in the deployment were my care packages and my Picture a Day While You're Away.  I sent Ryan at least two care packages every month.  I bought a Cricut, some cartridges and stocked up on a lot of scrapbook paper.  USPS provides a care package kit for the military members and I got a bunch of those kits and just kept sending care packages.  I got family, friends, and sorority sisters involved.  For me, it was a way of showing Ryan how much I love him and I pictured him opening each box and thinking of me.  It gets really cold in Afghanistan in the winter months and he was often sleeping in freezing temperatures.  With my Amazon Prime account, I stocked up on everything he could possibly need.  Since I was a House Fellow, the front desk of the dorm that I was an R.A. in would always recognize the Amazon boxes for me.  I turned a section of my closet into a care package center.  Here I would have those USPS boxes, tape, shipping labels, etc. ready to go and I also organized numerous things that I wanted to ship.  Some boxes had a fun theme to them and others were just essentials that he had requested.  Make sure to check out the post to see how I chose to decorate the boxes.

Although not something unique to me, I participated in a Picture a Day While You're Away picture campaign of sorts while Ryan was deployed.  Similar to a 365 project, a documented my side of the deployment with a picture every day.  I had recently gotten an iPhone while Ryan was on predeployment leave and of course had Instagram.  That app was so heavily used while Ryan was deployed.  Those pictures were used for my daily picture project and I included them as pictures in Motomail, but more on that later.

A 7 month deployment consists of:
-7 months of loneliness.
-31 weeks of worrying.
-236 days of sleepless nights.
-5,110 hours of trying to stay busy.
-306,600 minutes of the phone on the loudest ringer possible.
& -18,396,000 seconds of impatiently waiting for him to come home.

 

  

 

  

There were around 244 photos in this one album on Facebook.  I had friends in other classes, who I hadn't seen since freshman year, stop me on the sidewalk and tell me how much they enjoyed seeing the pictures everyday.  I had folks tell me that they couldn't check it everyday so on their Sunday night study break, they would go through each picture.  So many prayers and well wishes were sent our way and I feel so incredibly blessed to be surrounded by such amazing people.  What I want these select photos to show you, especially if you're about to go on a deployment, is that you can't let this or any deployment stop you from living.

 

There were times that it was midnight, I had The Notebook or P.S. I Love You in the background and I was crying myself to sleep.  Yup, that is the ugly side of manning the homefront on a deployment.  There were times that I was in an aisle of Walgreens or Target and insanely frustrated because I had no idea what the hell Ryan was talking about when it came to x,y,z products, just that he needed them.  It's not like I could call him up and ask for clarification.  No, you're on your own and you have to make those executive decisions.  It wasn't just silly, minor things that like that either.  I had to take a J-term course (winter break class) online my senior year.  I was freaking out.  One summer I had taken a course at another UW school to cover a set of science requirements and out of the blue, Wisconsin wasn't going to take them.  That would mean I would have to take over 18 credits my last semester.  That just wasn't feasible.  They did take the course, but I did take an additional online science course through UW-Milwaukee and I had no clue how to pay for it.  My student loans were going for my degree at UW-Madison and there just wasn't hundreds of dollars of chump change hanging around.  I made it work but those times when I could have really used Ryan to comfort me and help me work things out, but the country needed him.  Deployments are difficult and it's not a walk in the park.  However, it is up to you and your attitude on how you will make the journey develop.  Apart from keeping active and busy, I never wanted to distract Ryan from completing his part of the mission.  Me being nagging, overbearing, whining, crying, or just a plain ol' hot mess could cause him not be 100% dedicated to the deployment mindset.  That is the last thing I wanted.  So apart from care packages, I wrote him so many letters.  

An awesome program through the Marine Corps is Motomail.  It's like composing an e-mail, but it gets printed out on their end and sent to them like a letter.  I wrote Ryan almost every single day through that.  It was so easy to open up my computer and just write about my day to him.  I knew that he appreciated the letters and hearing about my day.  Apart from the letters, I would also record him mini tapes and send those in care packages as well.  Like my letters, I would tell him about my day or read him articles, etc.  His phone calls and simply hearing his voice would make my day.  I knew that hearing my voice, even if it was a recording, was something he loved.

In terms of self-care, I made myself incredibly busy.  I wanted to experience so many things and also to instill faith in Ryan that I was fine back home.  Living on campus, I didn't have a car, so I made great use of our free bus pass and other great student deals.  I love musicals and at the Overture Center, I could get really inexpensive tickets to shows.  I saw The Nutcracker, Beauty & the Beast, and a few other shows that were part of traveling Broadway troupes.  I also took classes including ballet and even a pole dancing class.  Both were so fun and something I had never tried before.  I also became a more serious crafter with crocheting, learning how to knit and quilt.  You have to be willing to try things on your own, which was never a problem with me.  I went to speeches and events on campus by myself and I also visited the Union South theater to catch movies on my own.  There are so many activities that are free or have a low cost in your community, definitely check them out! If you live on a military base, there are so many activities- make sure to get involved.

I also did and bought silly things as well.  The day before Ryan left for Afghanistan, I went to Build-a-Bear and made a German Shepherd and named him Valor.  I also got a G.I. Joe because I'm a novelty junkie like that.  My room was a mixture of student life, Badgerificiness, sorority goodness, and military love.

Whatever your deployment brings, understand that it will be over and if you ever need extra prayers sent your way, don't be afraid to ask.  Don't be afraid to let people in and don't be afraid to try something new.  You've got to be strong on the homefront and it is totally possible.

The Art of Indulgence: A Story on Retail Therapy

I love

chocolate cake

and Target

and a good bookstore

and decent thrift stores

and cheap books

and Amazon

and finding great make-up reviews


What do these all have in common? These are the many excuses reasons that I provide myself whenever I come across something I want need.  When I traveled to Oz, I talked about what it was like diving into the world of adulthood and becoming financially responsible for myself.  I learned how much I loved to work in a job, that well, I loved.  This type of love would provide me with the glorious financial reward of a paycheck.  In turn, that paycheck would be spent at Sephora.  When it wasn't Sephora, it was Forever21 or H&M or Barnes and Noble or my homegirl, Amazon.  Amazon and I have developed a really close bond.  She knows my browsing history.  When in doubt, she sends me an e-mail when it's on sale, because she knows that I want to buy it but that half off price is something I can't say no to.  She knows I love a good deal.  I mean I get Kindle Daily Deals letting me know when the entire set of The Chronicles of Narnia is only $1.99 a book.

The girl is an  e-n-a-b-l-e-r .

But it takes one to know one.  I am upfront about my enabling and indulgence abilities.  Like a high school girl twirling a strand of hair around her finger, I am like really good at it.  I don't need a 12-step process, I openly declare it to the world.  When shopping with me, I straight up say, "just so you know, I am an enabler."  This means if you want me to say no, I will say no... but girrrrl (include dramatic hand gesture), that shade of lipstick over there (switches hand gesture from left to right) would look really good on you.

I have learned over the years that certain places are kind of my danger hot spots.  These are places that I will, without a doubt, spend money at because my list of pros vs. cons usually leans toward you really need this in your life.  Hobby Lobby or any craft store is a notorious enabler to said habits.  You can't blame me though.  It's a craft store that also sells home decor.  Plus there is always a sale.  It's like they want my house to look amazing.  You can easily kill hours at Hobby Lobby.  It also doesn't help that the one pin you pinned has some of those crafting supplies right in front of you, plus that one blogger made it look so easy.  $50 later and you've got a new crafting project.

Another place that I adamantly have to stay away from is Target.  T-a-r-j-a-y has seriously upped its cool factor.  No matter what the layout is, usually accessories and women's clothing is one of the first stops.  They have such cute clothes! But like Forever21, the material is clearly spun through the power of make-believe because it is the sheerest, cheapest fabric to the point that it's difficult to believe its existence.  Ain't nobody got time to spend $20+ on something that looks like it's about to fall apart at the outburst of a sneeze.  Sidebar: My rule of thumb for Forever21 is that if it's over $20, I'm not buying it.  However, I'm all about the clearance rack or finding that at the end of the aisles are more sale items! I usually make a beeline for the books/DVDs section.  Rarely do I ever leave Target without a book in hand.  I usually have to list out in my head whether dropping the $15 on one book is a good plan or not.  Plus there are always your movie favorites on sale for like 7 bucks. #enablerstrugglefest

I'm also a big fan of the paper and scrapbook aisles, usually for the sales.  I swing by the health and beauty areas and of course home decor.  A girl can always use some Essie nail polish in her life.  I've noticed that Target really loves pairing with designers (clothes, decor, etc.) but honestly, I have no use for a turtleshell as part of my home decor.  I do like finding great things on their sale shelves and in the dollar section.  Depending on the Target, the dollar aisle (or island of half shelves...?) can be pretty clutch.  Target is basically a shopping experience for me.  

I feel like my love of Target and other stores, like many childhood-inducing problems, is deeply rooted.  I'm joking, I don't think these are from my childhood, but I do think they stem from my love of design and all things creative.  I majored in advertising and was usually a large part of the creative team for many of the agencies I worked with when developing projects.  I know how to suck people in and I'm not any better for it.  I'm not a person that says, I don't get hooked into ads, because that would be a blatant lie.  I call out ads as I see them and if they're good, I buy the products.  This is actually a large reason of why I had to wean off watching many beauty vloggers on YouTube.  Every time Nicole Guerriero posted a favorites video, I would find myself at the Walgreens across the street ready to buy the next hottest drugstore make-up.  It became expensive really quickly and I blame her and other beauty vloggers for my obsession with nail polish and lipstick.  Senior year I was obsessed with OPI nail polish and I knew with the Air Force, I couldn't wear really bold colors for much longer.  Conveniently the tanning salon, which was right above the aforementioned Walgreens, carried OPI nail polish.  I was there literally every week.  Sidebar: I would love to be the "namer" who creates those witty polish names for their new lines.

Speaking of college, every Sunday I would take a bus from the campus to the "new" Target.  It was attached to a really nice mall called Hilldale.  This wasn't just any mall, it was hella bourgeois.  I mean, to the nines, with a L'occitane, Anthropologie, ritzy grocery store, Macy's, AVEDA, etc.  It was definitely for the upper class of Madison.  Of course, I would trot through the stores in my college sweatpants since this was a post-studying, relaxing shopping trip.  I looked completely out of place at times, with the SAHM wearing Ralph Lauren and J. Crew, and I loved it.

The main reason for this trip was to browse through the mega Target.  Ryan was deployed to Afghanistan and while I ordered a lot of items in bulk off of Amazon, I still got more specific items from Target.  So I would go up the escalator, which was right next to the escalators that was solely for your carts (I know, it was one badass Target). From there, the Starbucks was to the right, overlooking a scene of University Ave and trees (a stab at having scenery).  Complete with a covered parking garage, that Target was one of the classiest Tarjays I had ever witnessed.

Those weekly trips were therapeutic for me and there is probably a true art to indulgence, but I let Target be that place.  While my husband was gone and I had very few college students to relate to my situation, I would peruse the aisles of Target.  I would come out with boxes of Capri Suns, snacks for care packages, a few new books, and maybe a new pair of shoes.  It felt good for the soul.  I would have my Target bags around my feet as I waited at the bus stop to bring me back to campus.

Now, I took bus rides and cab rides to malls and other places and a blog post may be dedicated on how I survived a deployment on the homefront.  However, the point of those trips wasn't that I was buying anything, although things were definitely bought.  The point was that I was escaping for a few hours.  I wasn't a college student going through my senior year without my husband.  I was just a consumer doing some retail therapy.  I remember one point where I was attempting to get him some sweaters from Target and I didn't know what size to get him.  It was a point of real clarity that my husband was no where near me.  It's not like I could have gotten hold of him and it made me really sad.  Those trips were greatly needed.  I'm not going to lie, I definitely developed some bad habits from my excess in retail therapy, but it's gotten better.  Retail therapy and indulgence, every once in awhile, just helps.  It kept me sane, I did really well in school, and maybe I helped the economy a little bit.  Did I spoil myself? Absolutely.  I also had really awesome clothes back then, too and I tended to look put together.  Hmm...maybe there is something to this art of indulgence.  Either way, the lesson to be learned from this is that it's important to do self-care.  For me, it really is retail and craftastic therapy.  I don't know if craftastic therapy exists but it does in Kimberly's world.  Self-care is just important because for me, it allowed me not to let the stresses of college, graduation, and a deployment get to me.  Although now I have a new set of adult issues so I still occasionally indulge. Do so responsibly and don't let those types of emotions get bottled in.  I'll discuss other ways to make the most out of situations like deployments in my next post.

Thanks for Reading!