Military Spouses vs. Female Service Members

Military Spouse Magazine has been doing a series of articles addressing stereotypes among military spouses and it also brought up the relationships between military spouses and female service members. That specific article was brief and written by a female Army veteran who now works for the magazine. As an Air Force officer, I couldn't relate to what she had said but then again, I had the opportunity to be a spouse first. I never looked down on someone for missing their husband too much while they were deployed because I know how that feels. When Ryan was deployed, romantic comedies and shopping comforted me. There was many a night I would find myself waiting for a bus back to campus with a Target bag in hand because Target seemed to have healing powers during that time. I also know how it feels to be overqualified for jobs and you're still sending in applications to find something temporarily because you're living off of E-4 pay. It's not fun trying to figure out how to budget groceries off of one very limited income. Even though I don't have kids, I know childcare is insanely expensive and it's usually more cost effective to have one partner stay home with the kids.

But at the same time, I definitely have felt the differences of being a service member instead of a spouse. When I was in ROTC, I was warned that some spouses would hate me for two reasons, 1. I was pretty 2. I spent a lot of time with their husbands. I wasn't even in my careerfield yet and I already had women hating me...great! It doesn't matter that while on alert, I usually have a sideways messy topknot, glasses, and a pimple or two speckling my face. It doesn't matter that when I wake up, there are probably tendrils of hair glued to my cheek from drool (yeah, that's a pretty picture). There are just going to be women who dislike me for just being in that position. It didn't matter whether I was attractive, ugly, or the highest ranking person that woman knew- I would be considered a problem. I haven't had to face too many jealous wives or girlfriends yet and thank goodness. Again, I think drool tendrils help, but that's just my opinion. If that day ever comes where I am in a battle with a spouse, I wish I could have a frank conversation in saying that I have zero interest in their signicant other and I am no threat to their happiness.

I am very much in love with my husband, regardless if we fight or if life is being particularly difficult. I am also fiercely loyal to him. I still notice when people are physically attractive, however, I'm the kind of woman who also remarks when another woman is also very beautiful. It's not a defense mechanism to call out every pretty girl on the block, it's just something I notice. The human body is a beautiful thing, and to be treated with respect- so should relationships. I trust my husband and he trusts me. I am not there to seduce your partner, I am there to provide nuclear deterrence.

I am far more concerned about my test scores and becoming a better missileer, than throwing a wrench in your relationship.

However, that's not to say that I haven't felt the effects of being a female service member and not solely being a spouse. The thing about being an officer is that I'm still a spouse, that just didn't stop when I become a butter bar. You may have seen my rant on Instagram about a recent e-mail sent to me by the president of our spouse's club. A little background- we live in a small town. There are a ton of mom and pop style restaurants casinos and a few boutiques. Some of boutiques downtown are incredibly cute, but most of the businesses here are severely lacking in quality or customer service. Despite having two universities, the town isn't bustling and to my understanding it's the second largest city in Montana. There's potential for economic growth, but it's underutilized. With that being said, activities for female service members or really just women in general are few and far between. I'm friends with several military spouses and I suggested they check out the spouses club. Emphasis: I led them to the spouse's club. When Ryan was stationed at Camp Pendleton, there wasn't an enlisted spouses's club (to my knowledge), but there was an officer's one. Not being an officer yet/not being a wife to an officer, I didn't participate but I think I would have loved it! Whenever my friends would come back from a spouse's club social at our current base, they would say, "Kim you would love this! This is totally your thing!" After a couple of months living here, I thought I would send in an e-mail and see if it was possible. The e-mail basically said, "due to few opportunities for women in this area, would it be possible to be a part of this group, despite being an active duty female service member?" I also put in that I respect that it's a space for military spouses, however I'm still a spouse. The response was a subtle "no" and a suggestion that I volunteer for a project they ran. To me that basically read, you can't be a part of the group's social activities, but we need manning to meet our goals. Cute.

I was an active duty spouse. I am now a veteran's spouse. I am an active duty service member who is married. No where in there did I just stop being a spouse. No where in there did I stop needing an opportunity to bond with women in a similar situation than me. Just because I'm a missileer doesn't mean that I don't go to the commissary or BX. I was just there to pick up ingredients for a pumpkin cake and walked through the same checkout and tipped the same bagger that you probably did. It doesn't mean that I don't have the same worries that other military spouses have. We worry about bills and paying off my school loans. We worry about when is the right time to start having a baby (which if you've read my blog, you know I think about frequently). We worry about getting time to see our family back in Wisconsin.

That e-mail could have gone several ways. I respect that it's a spouse's space, however, I don't see the importance of the dividing line when it comes to wine nights, book clubs, and any other social events. To me it seems trivial, especially with so few opportunities for women. That e-mail should have provided resources or other opportunities, and ones that didn't include volunteering for a project that needed manning. That just annoyed me. Not that I don't like volunteering, but there are tons of already existing volunteering opportunities.

To sum all of this up, I'm simply disappointed. It has put me in a position where I recognize that there are few opportunities for female service members and instead of creating a liaison between the two groups, there's just a dividing line. It has also made me realize that maybe I need to create this opportunity. Maybe I need to organize wine nights, a bookclub, a rollerskating night, or any fun activity. This thought got me excited- the possibilities are endless! Then I thought about it further, would I exclude Hannah, Emily, Rhi, or Allie, just because they're spouses? No, that's not like me. I would want every woman affiliated with this base who needed a night of fun, to have that night and to meet other great women.

If you liked this post, share it with others! If you feel particularly moved by it, leave a comment because I love feedback and discussion. Social media links are provided below and thanks for reading!

When I Married into the Military (The First Year)

A series of "welcome home" signs outside of the housing area we first lived at while stationed at Camp Pendleton

When I think of Memorial Day, I think of my family and the families I've met through being a Navy brat, marrying a Marine, and being an Air Force officer.  I have had so many experiences with the military.  I have known what it's like to not have your father there for your birthday and not understand because you're three years old.  I know what it's like to miss all of the major holidays during your first year of marriage because your husband is deployed.  I also know what it's like to have to pick and choose which special occasions you attend because you have alert and the mission is more critical than flying home to see a friend's wedding.  Everyday we are given choices.  Sometimes they're made for us and sometimes we have to choose the less of two evils.  We are taught quickly to appreciate the concept of time and to not worry about what we can't change.

When I married Ryan, I had spent years away from the military.  I had just started the AFROTC program at the University of Wisconsin and apart from that, I hadn't known military life in quite some time.  My dad ended his career with the Navy when I was a little kid and we moved to Wisconsin where he hoped to find better employment.  Moving to Camp Pendleton in Oceanside, California was this exciting adventure to me.  I had been watching episodes of Army Wives and I'm a huge fan, if you didn't know.  I sort of expected Claudia Joy to stroll in with some military flavor pie to help relinquish any of the stress that came with being a Marine wife.  Of course Claudia Joy is an Army wife and the obvious, not real.  When we first moved to California we stayed with friends in their apartment and I could not have been more awkward.  It was weird living with people that I barely knew and I just really wanted to have a house of our own.  When we moved into a housing area of C.P. called Serra Mesa, I was ecstatic.  Of course, there were stories.  Stories that involved new Marines with very young wives who were far too loud and rambunctious for their own good.  There was even a story of of a guy who killed his wife and tried to bury her in the wall.  I hadn't been with Ryan when he chose our house, but he was given three options and he chose a house snuggled into the middle of the housing division.  It was a smart choice.  We were surrounded by older service members and their families.  They were never too loud or rowdy.  Our house had been renovated and I was convinced it was because a woman had been buried in the previous walls.  No pets were allowed, but people still snuck in dogs.  I don't blame them.  I spent a ridiculous amount of time by myself and I would have appreciated the company of a friendly puppy.  Of course, when I moved back to Wisconsin at the end of that summer, dogs were allowed in our housing division.

Military housing is set up like a duplex.  Two houses often share the same walls.  Sometimes they back into other houses as well.  That's how our first house was; we shared multiple walls.  We had very little money.  One thing you should know about military folks, especially enlisted members is that they don't get paid nearly enough for what they do.  I submitted application after application trying to find some element of work in that area.  We only had one car, which we still have today.  I have a few pictures of our house at the time, which was small but still nice.  We didn't have a lot; just livin' off of love ;)

 

Right when you walked into the house, you were in the living room with a staircase directly in front of you.  Past the living room was a decent sized kitchen and a half bathroom to the left.  Up the stairs was a loft style bedroom that also had a full-sized bath.  There wasn't a door upstairs, only doors on the closets and bathrooms.  We also had a very small concrete patio that was more like a storage area for military equipment.   

Most of Ryan's income went to groceries and bills, we didn't really have anything extra to spare.  We saved and some of the extra money went into an end of the summer trip to Disneyland which I had been looking forward to for that entire summer.  Our decorations were things we received from our wedding and things that were supposed to be a part of our wedding.  We received a ton of gift cards and most of those were used to buy kitchen supplies and things like hand towels.  We started off with nothing, except for a Ninja Blender, a fancy platter, and a few other things.

   

Despite being newlywed-military poor, I took great pride in decorating our house.  I was so proud of the bathroom upstairs and coordinating the towels with a military theme.  Our kitchen was red & white (Badger colors) and even our pots and pans stayed with the motif.  I was thrilled to make friends and one of the first couples that I just fell in love with were our friends Jeff and Meagan.  They were dating at the time but are now happily married (they got married earlier this year).  We've been through a lot together and they're fantastic people.  The picture above is when we had them over for dinner and we went to the county fair the next day. 



Like I said, when I first got to Camp Pendleton, I thought making friends would be a breeze.  I'm a Theta and went through so many recruitment processes that I could small chat with anybody (but seriously, I loathe making small chat).  However, I was rightfully put in my place as I learned that my housing area really wasn't set up in a way to make friends.  People kept to themselves and the hospitality that my Wisconsin neighborhoods were known for, were seriously lacking on this military base.  Of course because I knew no one, the Marine Corps needed Ryan to train all of the time.  He would be gone during the week and even weekends and I was by myself.  I soon became incredibly lonely and filled my hours with cleaning our small house (well that took an hour) to working out and going to the library.  The large base gym was down a hill from where we lived so I would walk there (since we only had one car) and the library was just past it up a very large hill.  I would often go work out and then head towards the library to check out books and movies.  We also had a neighborhood pool that I would frequent to either swim or tan.  I desperately wanted to make at least one friend and so I looked to the online Facebook groups.  There are a ton of military support sites and information pages.  I joined several and learned that many of them had more drama than support and found it more discouraging than helpful.  One of the wives needed a ride to see the chaplain and I offered to give her one.  Of course she was at a friend's house on the other side of base (C.P. is huge- like the size of San Diego) and when I got there, her friend was there with a baby in tow.  Apparently all three needed a ride to the chaplain.  I was already there and didn't really know what to say so I gave them a ride.  The same woman would text me constantly asking for rides and so after that first one, I learned to ignore the number.  That being said, that's not like me.  However, I quickly learned from people that I met that not all military wives are the Claudia Joys that we'd like them to be.  One of my good friends from back home was already a military wife for several years and taught me a lot about the base and military life.  We all come from varying backgrounds and education levels.  Some of the wives were straight out of high school and had never been out of their hometowns.  Others met their spouse the day before at a club and got married (I'm not even kidding).  We're all just really different.

However it was in one of those groups that I met one of my best friends, Ashley.  She was moving into a house across the way from mine and I was so excited to meet her.  A group of wives already living in Serra Mesa were introducing her around but to be blunt, I didn't like the group.  It turns out that Ashley didn't either.  The ladies were rude, catty, and just plain mean.  Ashley and I became fast friends and I love her style and personality.  We went to base classes together, painted pottery at the Hobby Shop, and saw movies.  We even met Tom Hardy together.

Our husbands deployed around the same time, so when I went back to Wisconsin, she went back to Texas.  Of course, we met back up again at C.P. the next summer.  No longer were we living in the same housing division (which sucked) but we had girl dates all of the time.  But back then, we were in the same boat- living in Serra Mesa and no monies.  We did everything free on base and had a ton of days spent at the beach.  We even spent the 4th of July together watching the fireworks with other friends.

We had so many memories back then that I just love and cherish.  A lot of that time I spent frustrated because I spent most of that summer by myself but the thing about military spouses and significant others is that you learn to be resilient.  You have to because if you don't learn how to be independent and flexible with whatever the life throws at you, it'll swallow you up.  At the end of the summer we took a trip to Disneyland with our friends, Meagan and Jeff.

Ryan had never been to Disneyland and it was a really fun trip.  I got my Duffy the Disney Bear and in that picture you can see me wearing a name tape bracelet.  That summer I became completely military-obsessed.  I wore the shirts, got the bracelets, supported small businesses that sold military stuff, etc.  I was all about it.  Nametape bracelets are a really popular accessory and I actually made some for awhile for friends and family.

It was such a cute trip because we got to sport our "Just Married" buttons and Ryan went on all of the rides.  I went a little picture happy with him and took hundreds of photos of everything but I know that he loved it.

There are a ton of memories to be made in this crazy military life.  You meet people from all over and they contribute to your experience and those memories that you cherish.  Living in Montana now, I still keep in contact with all of our old friends and they living in California, Texas, Wisconsin, Colorado, etc.  It's a challenging life and presents many obstacles.  But when someone comes up to me and thanks me for my service, which happened three days ago, it completely takes my breath away.  I am honored and those little things mean everything to us. 

Have a great, happy, and safe Memorial Day.

A Picture A Day While You're Away- Otherwise Known as How I Survived a Deployment

My prayers go to the families of the Marines that were tragically killed in the training exercise.
I can only imagine a fraction of what their families are going through and my heart breaks for them.
These types of tragedies, deployments and periods of separation make military relationships so difficult, whether it's your sibling, child, partner, or spouse.

Did anyone catch last night's second episode of the new season of Army Wives (From the Ashes)? It involved the introduction of a lot of new characters, including the timid yet talented pie maker, Holly Truman.  When Roxy came to speak with her about a new business endeavor involving her delicious pies, it came to Roxy's attention that Holly was a newly married Army wife experiencing her first deployment.  Holly broke down and burst into tears.  She had only been married for six months when her husband left for Afghanistan.  Um is this a chapter from my life?  Ryan and I had only been married six months (lived together for three) when he left for his second deployment to Afghanistan.  I was finishing my senior year of college, finishing up my last year of ROTC to commission as an officer, and this was my first go-around being in a relationship, let alone married, and going through a deployment.  Holy shit. Yup, at times that expletive phrase could only describe what it felt like going through all of that.

I was far from any military base and surrounded by college kids.  Very few people could understand what I was going through.  I was 22, married, and my husband was deployed.  Not a typical situation you would find at the University of Wisconsin.  Not like I was part of the norm already.  I was in ROTC so I was one of the college kids you would find occasionally in a military uniform, in a sorority, worked multiple jobs, was a House Fellow (otherwise known as an R.A.), and so much more.  It was a lot to take on but I always appreciated being busy.  People often said to me, "I could never do it," and would look to me with such admiration and respect.  In all reality, you put yourself through all of that because you love someone so much.  That's all you can do.

Going into the deployment, my main goal was to make the most out of the experience.  I was not going to turn to alcohol, food, or to cheating (yikes on that last one) to get me through the separation.  Instead, I filled my life with a lot of positive energy.  I knew that I had to stay busy, more than I already was because it's the moment of true quietness that truly brings reality home.  It's a reality that you don't really want to think about, especially when the love of your life is in harm's way.

The two things that I was most known for in the deployment were my care packages and my Picture a Day While You're Away.  I sent Ryan at least two care packages every month.  I bought a Cricut, some cartridges and stocked up on a lot of scrapbook paper.  USPS provides a care package kit for the military members and I got a bunch of those kits and just kept sending care packages.  I got family, friends, and sorority sisters involved.  For me, it was a way of showing Ryan how much I love him and I pictured him opening each box and thinking of me.  It gets really cold in Afghanistan in the winter months and he was often sleeping in freezing temperatures.  With my Amazon Prime account, I stocked up on everything he could possibly need.  Since I was a House Fellow, the front desk of the dorm that I was an R.A. in would always recognize the Amazon boxes for me.  I turned a section of my closet into a care package center.  Here I would have those USPS boxes, tape, shipping labels, etc. ready to go and I also organized numerous things that I wanted to ship.  Some boxes had a fun theme to them and others were just essentials that he had requested.  Make sure to check out the post to see how I chose to decorate the boxes.

Although not something unique to me, I participated in a Picture a Day While You're Away picture campaign of sorts while Ryan was deployed.  Similar to a 365 project, a documented my side of the deployment with a picture every day.  I had recently gotten an iPhone while Ryan was on predeployment leave and of course had Instagram.  That app was so heavily used while Ryan was deployed.  Those pictures were used for my daily picture project and I included them as pictures in Motomail, but more on that later.

A 7 month deployment consists of:
-7 months of loneliness.
-31 weeks of worrying.
-236 days of sleepless nights.
-5,110 hours of trying to stay busy.
-306,600 minutes of the phone on the loudest ringer possible.
& -18,396,000 seconds of impatiently waiting for him to come home.

 

  

 

  

There were around 244 photos in this one album on Facebook.  I had friends in other classes, who I hadn't seen since freshman year, stop me on the sidewalk and tell me how much they enjoyed seeing the pictures everyday.  I had folks tell me that they couldn't check it everyday so on their Sunday night study break, they would go through each picture.  So many prayers and well wishes were sent our way and I feel so incredibly blessed to be surrounded by such amazing people.  What I want these select photos to show you, especially if you're about to go on a deployment, is that you can't let this or any deployment stop you from living.

 

There were times that it was midnight, I had The Notebook or P.S. I Love You in the background and I was crying myself to sleep.  Yup, that is the ugly side of manning the homefront on a deployment.  There were times that I was in an aisle of Walgreens or Target and insanely frustrated because I had no idea what the hell Ryan was talking about when it came to x,y,z products, just that he needed them.  It's not like I could call him up and ask for clarification.  No, you're on your own and you have to make those executive decisions.  It wasn't just silly, minor things that like that either.  I had to take a J-term course (winter break class) online my senior year.  I was freaking out.  One summer I had taken a course at another UW school to cover a set of science requirements and out of the blue, Wisconsin wasn't going to take them.  That would mean I would have to take over 18 credits my last semester.  That just wasn't feasible.  They did take the course, but I did take an additional online science course through UW-Milwaukee and I had no clue how to pay for it.  My student loans were going for my degree at UW-Madison and there just wasn't hundreds of dollars of chump change hanging around.  I made it work but those times when I could have really used Ryan to comfort me and help me work things out, but the country needed him.  Deployments are difficult and it's not a walk in the park.  However, it is up to you and your attitude on how you will make the journey develop.  Apart from keeping active and busy, I never wanted to distract Ryan from completing his part of the mission.  Me being nagging, overbearing, whining, crying, or just a plain ol' hot mess could cause him not be 100% dedicated to the deployment mindset.  That is the last thing I wanted.  So apart from care packages, I wrote him so many letters.  

An awesome program through the Marine Corps is Motomail.  It's like composing an e-mail, but it gets printed out on their end and sent to them like a letter.  I wrote Ryan almost every single day through that.  It was so easy to open up my computer and just write about my day to him.  I knew that he appreciated the letters and hearing about my day.  Apart from the letters, I would also record him mini tapes and send those in care packages as well.  Like my letters, I would tell him about my day or read him articles, etc.  His phone calls and simply hearing his voice would make my day.  I knew that hearing my voice, even if it was a recording, was something he loved.

In terms of self-care, I made myself incredibly busy.  I wanted to experience so many things and also to instill faith in Ryan that I was fine back home.  Living on campus, I didn't have a car, so I made great use of our free bus pass and other great student deals.  I love musicals and at the Overture Center, I could get really inexpensive tickets to shows.  I saw The Nutcracker, Beauty & the Beast, and a few other shows that were part of traveling Broadway troupes.  I also took classes including ballet and even a pole dancing class.  Both were so fun and something I had never tried before.  I also became a more serious crafter with crocheting, learning how to knit and quilt.  You have to be willing to try things on your own, which was never a problem with me.  I went to speeches and events on campus by myself and I also visited the Union South theater to catch movies on my own.  There are so many activities that are free or have a low cost in your community, definitely check them out! If you live on a military base, there are so many activities- make sure to get involved.

I also did and bought silly things as well.  The day before Ryan left for Afghanistan, I went to Build-a-Bear and made a German Shepherd and named him Valor.  I also got a G.I. Joe because I'm a novelty junkie like that.  My room was a mixture of student life, Badgerificiness, sorority goodness, and military love.

Whatever your deployment brings, understand that it will be over and if you ever need extra prayers sent your way, don't be afraid to ask.  Don't be afraid to let people in and don't be afraid to try something new.  You've got to be strong on the homefront and it is totally possible.

Realities of a Pinterest Perfect, Military Marriage

Before I divulge into the inner workings of making a military marriage work, I would love for y'all to visit Lauran's blog, The Real Young Housewife of Southern Virginia.  Today I'm featured as a guest blogger on a topic that I'm sure we can all relate with, when Pinterest crafting goes horribly wrong.  It's a light and funny read (hopefully you'll find it funny) and Lauran is an awesome blogger, so go check it out and then come right back ;)

With Valentine's Day coming up, I've been reflecting on my marriage of almost two years.  This is the first Valentine's Day that Ryan and I will have together.  So of course, I am all kinds of excited to make it spectacular.  However, I have learned from past experiences that sometimes I need to bring down my enthusiasm level to a rate that Ryan can understand.  What makes this Valentine's Day a little more interesting is that we will be on the road, mid-move to Montana.  So I've started putting together a few things for my valentine a little early.  I'm sure you've seen this tutorial on Pinterest but it's so easy and I would love to share:

Decorate-a-Mug

Supplies

Ceramic mugs from the dollar store

Sharpies

Working oven, set to 350 degrees

Decorate your mug, put it in the oven for about a half hour and voila, you've got yourself an inexpensive Valentine's Day gift.

"All of these words are worthless than the breath used to say them if we cannot be together."

Cute and romantic, eh?  

I'm not really sure what else to get Ryan and come to think about it, I think Ryan may be my first Valentine.  I definitely remember a dating pattern of breaking up with boyfriends in October and getting boyfriends in March.  Anyone else have dating patterns?  I always thought it was weird but oddly enough, that's how it usually worked out.  

Ryan loves to work out and doesn't really like junk food so I think the traditional heart-shaped box of chocolates may not be his thing. Shopping for broskis is so difficult!  Curse the expectations that come with VDay!

But this brings me to my next point.

If you read Destiny's guest blog post, it ties in so well to this topic of Pinterest perfect marriages.

When Ryan was deployed I created a ton of care packages for him and I did a "picture a day while you're away."  It was my way of showing him that I cared and I missed him greatly (such an understatement, deployments own your brain).  Creating and designing things is such a personal way of exploring my creative energy and I love to share it, whether it's on my blog or my Pinterest boards.  It's also a major way of me showing people that I care.  I would have so many people message me saying how inspired they were by the care packages and the pictures, it was both flattering and humbling.  I'm afraid that I may have added to this Hollywood notion that military marriages are this fairytale.  Homecomings are a dream come true and one of my most cherished moments, however, it's what happens post-homecoming that people don't really cover or understand.

I still consider myself a newlywed, and not in the "honeymoon" period, either.  Ryan and I have our arguments and fights, just like any other married couple.  It usually comes from the fact that we've spent most our marriage apart, either living in California versus Wisconsin or the continental US versus Afghanistan.  Most recently we've lived in the same state (five hours apart), and just moved back in together when Ryan finally finished his Marine Corps contract.  Every time that we've been together, part of our relationship has to start over again and rebuild.  It takes a lot of communication and patience.  Being in our early 20s, that doesn't always come easily or is readily available.  Mix in a military lifestyle, you have constant moves, training, early days, late nights, etc.  I try to make the most of our time together by scheduling breaks in the day, like lunch, where we can see each other and just talk or relax.  In the morning, I'm focused on going to work and at night, I'm analyzing what happened that day and what I can improve on.  I would say that communicating at night isn't my strongest quality.  If I had a bad day, I need that time to decompress and then start communicating, otherwise Ryan can do the littlest thing and it can set me off.  It's the same for him.  I'm very much an advocate for personal time and working on "Me."  Not as a selfish aspect, but more in terms of self care and make sure that I'm doing good and Ryan's doing good, respectively on our own.  Together we're a united front and we can't have one end feeling upset, otherwise, we're not communicating as effectively as we could be.

My advice for being in a military marriage?

Patience, a positive attitude, effective communication, and resilience.  

Things will always change and nothing is ever permanent.  It is only permanent five hours after it happened.  With that in mind, you have to have patience and good communication.  Don't leave your spouse hanging, wondering what's going on or if they need to make dinner later or earlier.  Sometimes it can be really stressful or just bring out the worst in you.  You've got to overcome that because you need to work as a team.  Ryan and I don't have any human children yet, just our Holly Bear.  We've planned it that way so we can work on our marriage base first and build up from that.  I tackle being in a military lifestyle with a positive attitude.  It's a mixture of optimism and realism.  Plans will always change, so have a back-up plan (in fact, have three) and keep a smile on your face.  Make sure you have concrete ways to de-stress.  When Ryan was deployed, sometimes I would feel so overwhelmed, I still sometimes feel that way with training.  Blogging for me became a positive outlet on which I could focus on many other aspects of my life besides being in the military.  Sometimes that little break, even if it's just a blog post, is so very necessary.  

One way that I'm working on documenting our marriage-

I saw this really neat idea for people who are engaged, to keep a journal for your soon-to-be husband.  I loved the idea and decided to keep a journal (I bought two for extra writing) for my husband throughout the year.  I wanted to cover things we fought about, how we communicated, good things and events in our life.  I think it may be a great way to reflect on our marriage at the end of the year.

I'm really excited about this and to include love letters on our second/third year of marriage.  We have so many things to look forward to within the coming weeks and it will all be recorded.  Wahooo for old school journaling.

oh and in case you don't follow me on Instagram, I got a haircut :)

 

 Yay for new things!

Thanks for reading :)

GBE 2: Decision

I've recently joined a writing group that is casual and meant to be a fun writing exercise.  It's called GBE 2 and you can find the link here on Facebook.  At the end of the post, you can find more information.

This week's prompt: 

Decision

For my very first prompt, I'm going to discuss a topic that is really personal to me.  Going against my original "life plan," I got married pretty young.  Ryan and I knew each other from high school and stayed friends while I was in college.  Getting married at 21-years old was completely against the pathway of a graduate from a public ivy-style university.  What "you're supposed to do" involves graduating in 4+ years, establishing your career, then start dating and eventually get married.  At least that was the life plan that I thought I was going to have for myself.  However, after dating Ryan in my junior year of college, I fell madly in love with him.  I didn't really date while in high school because the guys, to be frank, had really vague ideas of their goals.  I knew that I wanted to get into a really great university and no one was going to get in my way.  I was devoted to amping up my resume and being the best student I could be and because of that I was kind of awkward around guys in high school.  When I got to college, I was now surrounded by these guys that were career-driven and liked to have a good time.  Nevertheless,  a lot of college relationships were very shallow and fleeting.

When I started dating Ryan,  I knew he was something completely different than the guys that I had been dating.  He was genuine and incredibly driven as a person.  He wasn't wrapped up in partying on the weekends.  As a young person, he fought in two deployments overseas and his Friday nights consisted of patrols, not Jaeger bombs.  It was just a completely different dynamic.  We also had amazing conversations.  I think it really was the element of having to communicate over phone calls, text messages, e-mails, etc. that forced us to really explore who we are as people all over again.

Ryan first asked me to think about the idea of marrying him on February 9, 2011.  I thought he was out of his mind.  This went completely off the college path.  However, we discussed it for weeks and I knew that I loved this man more than anything.  Then came explaining this to my parents, the rest of my family and my friends.  They didn't take it too well.  This became a long, drawn out process in which my dad, who is one of my best-friends, refused to acknowledge or talk to me for almost six months.  Ryan proposed to me on St. Patrick's Day on a beach close to Camp Pendleton, while I was out there for my spring break.  I could not have been more ecstatic.  I was welcomed back with so many well wishes and blessings.  There are still some friendships that have gone through a lot of strained processes and we're just getting back to where our friendships started.  Although there were many happy moments, it was still one of the most stressful times in my life.  Here was this wonderful and happy occasion of two people uniting together in love and there was so much unhappiness surrounding it.  I had family members telling me that this was an awful idea and it just weighed heavily on me.  It was also a time in my life where the cliche of realizing who were my "real" friends were and they were happened because these were the people who had learned to accept me as a person, the relationship I was in, and that not everyone needs to follow the same path.

Having been a military spouse and being in the military myself, I've witnessed what it's like for young people, from both college-educated backgrounds and not, experience what comes along with getting married young and that type of decision-making.  Yes, you choose to grow up quickly but that's something we accept with our lifestyle in the military and falling in love.  It's also taught me to not be so quick to judge other's actions and decisions because I absolutely hated when people did that to me and to my husband.  Everyone has to go on their own journeys and make their own life decisions.

Blogging GBE style is simple. Every Sunday evening there is a new writing prompt/challenge on the GBE page. You can then interpret the prompt any way you want and blog on it in any way you see fit. Once you’ve posted to wherever you normally blog, drop the URL to your post as a comment into the weekly topic thread so that other members can read/comment. Blogs should be posted by the end of the following Saturday night.

One thing: This is for fun, and it should NEVER feel like work. So if you join in, feel free to skip a topic (or 10) and read/comment as much or as little as you want. NO PRESSURE.

That’s it!

Happy blogging!