Monday, February 25, 2013

Guest Blog Post: Autumn and a Stranger's Hamburger

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Love nuggets! What is a love nugget exactly? It is one of many names I hand out to my dogs and anyone else I am infatuated with.  Now you may think, um you just compared me to your dog.  That's a huge compliment, my dogs are like my children.  Wait, you made that plural. That's right folks, be prepared for the awesomeness that is Blu (post to follow soon).

Until then, I have my kick ass sponsor, Autumn, stopping by from her blog The Unreal Life.  Now many bloggers say something along the lines of, omg I love my sponsor.  But I really do for these reasons:
1. She is hilarious.
2. She is honest.
3. She has dated probably the same number of d-bag royales that I have dated (wahoo Autumn, let's make a club).
4. She tweets me back and I get to pretend that I'm a cool kid.
5. Her writing is super witty and is just a great read.

So that really should be reasons enough to become biffles with her, but if you have doubts, check out her awesome post below and leave her some love.  

Hello lovely readers! My name is Autumn, and I blog at The Unreal Life. I'm so pleased to be back guest blogging for Kim again! Kim has been such a supporter of my little baby blog, and I'm grateful for this chance to share it with you. My last guest post highlighted some really awkward, unreal situations I got myself into on a road trip. But what happens at the end of the road trip? More awkward, unreal situations. 

When I first moved to Missourah, I ran into a lot of situations with strangers. They were everywhere (duh, I just moved here), and they were all just really, really nice. Looking back, there were multiple times where I'm certain I shouldn't be alive. But I am (Thank God). I just have this immense inability to say no. And yes, it is as bad as it sounds. So without further ado, let me use my inability to say no to strangers to entertain you (I mean, it's gotta be good for something, right?)!

Stranger Danger: Hamburgers
Some friends and I went to a bar to watch a Cardinals game shortly after I moved here. This city is intense (understatement of the century) about their Cardinals. People literally were let out of work early because the game started at four. The bar was standing room only. And of course baseball is really boring slow, so the only thing there is to do is stand. And drink. Stand. And drink. And of course it's too busy to order food and you're standing shoulder to shoulder so you don't have a table to put your food on anyways even if you did get some. So all you do is stand and drink. Stand. And drink. Hopefully this paints a good picture for you of the awesome level of drunk fun I was flying at when this story took place. Finally, after nine innings of standing and drinking, we got a table. I made a beeline to the bathroom, but a very attractive man grabbed my wrist on the way by (warning flag: this bar was filled with very grabby people) and pulled me towards him ( am I alive? A sober normal person would have run at this point.). He started chatting me up about how gorgeous I was and what was my name and how he'd love to take me to dinner and I was slightly paying attention when over his shoulder I noticed his friend was chowing down on a delicious, greasy, gorgeous HAMBURGER. 

"I'd love to take you to dinner, beautiful. Show you how we do it round here."
I pushed his advances away. "OH MY GOD," I shouted at his friend over the really loud, bad bar music, "IS THAT A HAMBURGER?" 
The man stared up blankly at me and replied, "Uh, yeah. You want some?"

Now what would a normal person do at this point? Say no and go order their own. Am I normal person? No. Am I lucky to be alive? Yes. I promptly screamed "YES" (at which point the man stopped flirting with me, probably recognizing I was a huge hot mess) and proceeded to eat a stranger's hamburger. Yes, I ate a stranger's hamburger.

Now some of you at this point are asking "WHO EATS A STRANGER'S HAMBURGER?!?!"
But isn't the real question who gives their hamburger to a stranger?!?!

(Answer: As soon as I sobered up I did have an emotional moment realizing that while I was currently the weirdo eating a stranger's hamburger, I would one day be the weirdo giving my hamburger to a stranger. It's a slippery slope.)


Those are just a few examples of my inability to say no to strangers. Others include: giving a homeless man my phone number (everyone deserves a friend!), accepting rides home from a stranger I met on the MegaBus (she wouldn't kidnap me in front of her granddaughter!), always stopping for the pollster or advocate on the corner with a clipboard and going to a "post party" at my bartender's house. The problem with these awkward stranger encounters is that so far, they always turn out OK so I still haven't learned my lesson 100%. It wasn't until I went home for my first Thanksgiving break and was relaying these stories to my sisters that I thought "holy am I still alive?" 

Thanks for taking the time to read this post, and I hope it brought a little laughter and joy to your day! If you liked this post, there's plenty more of my awesome awkward adorableness and "is this real life?" stories over at The Unreal Life--so please stop on by! As I like to say, it's 50% Tina Fey meets Khloe Kardashian, 50% Jaqueline Novogratz and 100% unreal. You can live vicariously through my inability to say no to strangers, assholes and another shot of vodka.

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