Realities of a Pinterest Perfect, Military Marriage

Before I divulge into the inner workings of making a military marriage work, I would love for y'all to visit Lauran's blog, The Real Young Housewife of Southern Virginia.  Today I'm featured as a guest blogger on a topic that I'm sure we can all relate with, when Pinterest crafting goes horribly wrong.  It's a light and funny read (hopefully you'll find it funny) and Lauran is an awesome blogger, so go check it out and then come right back ;)

With Valentine's Day coming up, I've been reflecting on my marriage of almost two years.  This is the first Valentine's Day that Ryan and I will have together.  So of course, I am all kinds of excited to make it spectacular.  However, I have learned from past experiences that sometimes I need to bring down my enthusiasm level to a rate that Ryan can understand.  What makes this Valentine's Day a little more interesting is that we will be on the road, mid-move to Montana.  So I've started putting together a few things for my valentine a little early.  I'm sure you've seen this tutorial on Pinterest but it's so easy and I would love to share:

Decorate-a-Mug

Supplies

Ceramic mugs from the dollar store

Sharpies

Working oven, set to 350 degrees

Decorate your mug, put it in the oven for about a half hour and voila, you've got yourself an inexpensive Valentine's Day gift.

"All of these words are worthless than the breath used to say them if we cannot be together."

Cute and romantic, eh?  

I'm not really sure what else to get Ryan and come to think about it, I think Ryan may be my first Valentine.  I definitely remember a dating pattern of breaking up with boyfriends in October and getting boyfriends in March.  Anyone else have dating patterns?  I always thought it was weird but oddly enough, that's how it usually worked out.  

Ryan loves to work out and doesn't really like junk food so I think the traditional heart-shaped box of chocolates may not be his thing. Shopping for broskis is so difficult!  Curse the expectations that come with VDay!

But this brings me to my next point.

If you read Destiny's guest blog post, it ties in so well to this topic of Pinterest perfect marriages.

When Ryan was deployed I created a ton of care packages for him and I did a "picture a day while you're away."  It was my way of showing him that I cared and I missed him greatly (such an understatement, deployments own your brain).  Creating and designing things is such a personal way of exploring my creative energy and I love to share it, whether it's on my blog or my Pinterest boards.  It's also a major way of me showing people that I care.  I would have so many people message me saying how inspired they were by the care packages and the pictures, it was both flattering and humbling.  I'm afraid that I may have added to this Hollywood notion that military marriages are this fairytale.  Homecomings are a dream come true and one of my most cherished moments, however, it's what happens post-homecoming that people don't really cover or understand.

I still consider myself a newlywed, and not in the "honeymoon" period, either.  Ryan and I have our arguments and fights, just like any other married couple.  It usually comes from the fact that we've spent most our marriage apart, either living in California versus Wisconsin or the continental US versus Afghanistan.  Most recently we've lived in the same state (five hours apart), and just moved back in together when Ryan finally finished his Marine Corps contract.  Every time that we've been together, part of our relationship has to start over again and rebuild.  It takes a lot of communication and patience.  Being in our early 20s, that doesn't always come easily or is readily available.  Mix in a military lifestyle, you have constant moves, training, early days, late nights, etc.  I try to make the most of our time together by scheduling breaks in the day, like lunch, where we can see each other and just talk or relax.  In the morning, I'm focused on going to work and at night, I'm analyzing what happened that day and what I can improve on.  I would say that communicating at night isn't my strongest quality.  If I had a bad day, I need that time to decompress and then start communicating, otherwise Ryan can do the littlest thing and it can set me off.  It's the same for him.  I'm very much an advocate for personal time and working on "Me."  Not as a selfish aspect, but more in terms of self care and make sure that I'm doing good and Ryan's doing good, respectively on our own.  Together we're a united front and we can't have one end feeling upset, otherwise, we're not communicating as effectively as we could be.

My advice for being in a military marriage?

Patience, a positive attitude, effective communication, and resilience.  

Things will always change and nothing is ever permanent.  It is only permanent five hours after it happened.  With that in mind, you have to have patience and good communication.  Don't leave your spouse hanging, wondering what's going on or if they need to make dinner later or earlier.  Sometimes it can be really stressful or just bring out the worst in you.  You've got to overcome that because you need to work as a team.  Ryan and I don't have any human children yet, just our Holly Bear.  We've planned it that way so we can work on our marriage base first and build up from that.  I tackle being in a military lifestyle with a positive attitude.  It's a mixture of optimism and realism.  Plans will always change, so have a back-up plan (in fact, have three) and keep a smile on your face.  Make sure you have concrete ways to de-stress.  When Ryan was deployed, sometimes I would feel so overwhelmed, I still sometimes feel that way with training.  Blogging for me became a positive outlet on which I could focus on many other aspects of my life besides being in the military.  Sometimes that little break, even if it's just a blog post, is so very necessary.  

One way that I'm working on documenting our marriage-

I saw this really neat idea for people who are engaged, to keep a journal for your soon-to-be husband.  I loved the idea and decided to keep a journal (I bought two for extra writing) for my husband throughout the year.  I wanted to cover things we fought about, how we communicated, good things and events in our life.  I think it may be a great way to reflect on our marriage at the end of the year.

I'm really excited about this and to include love letters on our second/third year of marriage.  We have so many things to look forward to within the coming weeks and it will all be recorded.  Wahooo for old school journaling.

oh and in case you don't follow me on Instagram, I got a haircut :)

 

 Yay for new things!

Thanks for reading :)

Criticisms from a Content Snob and Other Weekend Delights

 

This blog post is a long one and this weekend has been wonderful.

I'm going to talk a little bit about my weekend, the dwindling content of blogs, a rant on the social media intertwining religion into politics, and then rave about new tactics using social media and religion (gosh, talk about a double standard).

Let's get started

 

To have the opportunity to do absolutely nothing or everything has been such a privilege- I'm referring to the rare, yet beautiful natural occurrence of a chill weekend.  I have been stressing and working countless hours (and by countless, I've actually had to record them but that's another story).  So for me, this weekend has been sheer bliss.  I have my husband here and my wonderful roommate is actually in Vegas enjoying the holiday with her family

So I've had some time to go over my Google Reader account and update my blog.

Have you checked out my new header (yep, right up there)?  It took me a couple of hours but I actually really like how it turned out and I greatly disliked the one I had up previously, but we all have to make-do with our own temporary fill-ins every once in awhile.  I'm still updating my buttons and pages here and there so please be patient and kind with me :P

I've also taken a look at my sponsor page and I've made the decision that I don't want to charge people for being a "sponsor" on this page.  I was more than thrilled to have 37 Google Connected readers on this page alone, but I also believe that's due to investing more time and $$ (so literally investing into my blog) and I have been seeing the benefits.  

What I do want to emphasize, however, is that this is a lifestyle blog.   I craft whenever I have time, bake when I crave sweets (which basically every 5 minutes...the craving not necessarily the baking) and give reviews when I can.   Like how many others have started, this is an outlet for me.  You're not going to find a giveaway here for quite some time, unless some ridiculously creative soul decides to sponsor me, and I do feature the people who swap buttons with me but many of those bloggers are in the same boat as I am, and we're just adjusting the sails to the storm that is Blogger.  I do love reading other blogs and hearing the stories from the perspectives of interesting, often incredibly entertaining people.  Right now, I'm just in the mood to swap- so feel free to swap with me.  If you go to my sponsor page, I would love to have you as a guest and there's no charge or devious trick up this blogger's sleeve.  Simply put in the promo code and you're welcome to promote for 30 days on the page and to keep on promoting for months after.

...and here is where I become the content snob

Something I've noticed from the bigger, "granddaddy of all blogs" 

types is that their content is starting to waver.  

*Looks around* 

not that I'm saying it's the fault of any of the bloggers 

but seriously, the content is starting to lack in a negative way.  

I'm seeing a lot more fluff and not a lot of the original style posts that made me want to subscribe to those bloggers in the first place.  So I pulled out a friend flush.  I'm sorry, I would like to say I feel terrible, but it had to happen.  I'm seeing that these once awesome blogs are having 3000+ readers but are doing more giveaways than actual articles, more outfits of the day than what's really on their mind and that bugs me.  Going off on a small rant, outfit of the day posts bother me because I'm not entirely sure what their purpose is...other than to show people either 

a). how to dress b). what you have in your closet c). what you can afford

It's filler- and not very good filler at that (apart from dedicated fashion blogs). 

I wonder if the pressures of having that many readers, combined with sponsorships starts to degrade the quality of a blog.  People are busy and lives are to be had, not everyone can spend the amount of time it takes to run a highly effective blogging system.  

Nevertheless, my suggestion for revision on those types of posts would be to wear that cute outfit while doing an awesome activity.  In the caption, you can have the details of the outfit but the post itself will talk about something worthy of having your readers visit your blog.  

Single paragraph content also swims into this category as well.  I'm seeing a very small topic being stretched over a paragraph and that being considered a full post.  

I'm excited that Google Reader features one of my favorite blogs at the top of the page and then quickly let down as I read the "new post" from some of my favorite bloggers and it's a recipe or the entire post is dedicated to an invitation design.  Not that I don't appreciate a scrumptious meal that I can whip up in under 20 minutes or that your party theme is super adorable 

but gahhh you're killin' me smalls!

We follow lifestyle blogs, or at least I do, because you've invited us into a very intimate part of you- your perspective of your life.  Your ups and downs, glimpses of your partner and families, the things you're reading, heck, even the cleaning products you use. I miss the spontaneity.  I love Instagram, and I follow many bloggers through that social media.  The worst is when they say, I'm saving this for a post next week. Post, share, and let us envy you now versus in seven days. Where's the fun in that? ;)

We want the stories, so make them good.

In fact, your stories are already good...just keep posting.

\\\ back to our regularly scheduled blog post ///

 Rants, Raves, & Reviews

RANTS

I saw this on Pinterest

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it or how to accurately verbalize this, but I don't like it.

I'm a follower of Christ and something about this specific message rubs me the wrong way.

Honestly, I think it has something to do with how during this entire election season, one political party seemed to be using religious zealotry against a very politically divided country.  Mud slinging was occurring non-stop (from both parties) and I saw this message weeks later, 

after the election results occurred and that in itself also puts a bad taste in my mouth.

I don't consider myself all that religious but I do follow the teachings of Christ.

I know it sounds contradictory but I love God, I'm just not a huge fan of many of his followers.

He cared about everyone and forgave the outcasts of society and 

died for everyone's sins so that we could all be forgiven.

I don't feel comfortable associating him with the horrible things 

said and that still occur post-election season.  Post-election, people (not everyone) have been rude and to me seem very un-Christian-like.

I understand that not everyone may feel the same about this, but if you choose to comment, please keep it considerate, with thoughtful commentary.

But to switch up the bad vibes, let's head on over to my  

RAVES 

 cuz I found this totally amazing blog 

that has this link-up called, "Let's Get Praisy."

Jami Nato relates Bible verses to rap and pop song lyrics.

Say whaaat?

chyeaa and I absolutely love it!

Source: Jami Nato, The Nato's

Now everytime I hear these songs, I think of different Bible verses and I think that is awesome!

It's innovative, fun, and makes me want to teach CCD to high school students.

Well maybe not that far, unless they let me use the wisdom of Jami Nato.

You can find more links on her blog.  I need to contribute something- oh you fancy, huh?

I've also been dying to read a few books.  The first is Gone Girl and I have been seeing mad reviews for this novel and have yet to click purchase for Kindle.  I need to make the commitment.  The constantly mentioned plot's twists and turns are driving me to read this every single time I see it, either at Target or on Amazon.  I've also been wanting to read Junot Diaz's, This is How You Lose Her.  People are starting to quote it and saying it gives a realistic look on love (it is a fictional story, however).  I'm also interested in The Round House, which has been featured on Oprah's reading list throughout numerous magazines and e-mail lists (I get them all).  On a sidenote, I'm sort of obsessed with Oprah, I mean who wouldn't want to be the best gift-giver on the planet?  Last, but not least, I love the Young House Love blog! What an adorable family!  They've just come out with their first book and I've been all over their Instagram feed as they go to their first book signings.  I just love the vibe that family gives, they're awesome people.

 

Now that it's officially past Black Friday and as you saw in my last post about my home decor for the holidays, we finally were able to put lights up!  I love love love the holiday season and I am so excited to be able to spend this year's Christmas season with my husband.  Afghanistan will not have him this year, although that is not the case for many, so please have our service members in your thoughts this holiday season.  With my husband in tow, I am glad to be starting some of my favorite traditions, including Starbucks holiday drinks, Christmas music while driving to work, admiring holiday lights, finding the perfect Christmas present, watching holiday movies and so much more!

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend!