So Long, Farewell: Saying Goodbye to Military Friends

 

I hate goodbyes and am very fond of the idea of rather saying "see you later." In the military, that's kind of true.  Eventually we'll end up at the same bases or in the same part of the United States or even deployed together.

While living here at Malmstrom we built a great friendship with our next door neighbors, Alex and Tabitha. It's crazy how the winters keep people apart here.  We hung out with them once before winter came and then didn't see them until spring.  When Alex and I were members of the CGOA board did we become really good friends. Tabitha and I are literally the same person and crazy as it is but we're from the same sorority.  Of course at this time we found out that in a few months they would be moving to Italy.  UGH

Tabitha and Alex are such a fun couple.  We had so many cookouts and game nights with them and it was a blast. They even got me to watch The Shining.

 Our lewd picture is actually a running joke where the guys kept trying to make the Theta kite and instead would make symbolic vaginas. Ignore their weirdness.

Our good friends are officially in Italy now. They have a wonderful blog and pictures of pizza dates and markets. I am officially jealous beyond all means. However, this does mean that Ryan and I get to work on passports and a trip to Italy (hopefully next year).

Although saying goodbye or see ya soon to friends is really difficult for me, meeting all of these wonderful people has been a blessing. Here's to a trip to Italy!

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My Anxiety and Mental Health Experience

USC’s Military Family Mental Health Campaign

It took me almost a year to go to the mental health services at our base's med group and I wanted to speak on my experience because this might help someone understand or give someone someone the courage to go.  The only time I've ever gone to a counselor was once before, while Ryan was deployed. I was a married, senior in college and the people that I ran to the most to vent about my problems were my sorority sisters.  Respectfully, they had no idea what I was going through and that's ok.  But I needed to vent to someone who was a third party. That one visit helped a lot during a time when I felt very alone in my experience. When I became a missileer, my experiences handling anxiety and stress changed exponentially.  I'm someone who takes high stress situations as an embraced challenge.  I relish it.  But this time, this was different.  My job experience was affecting every aspect of my life and this wasn't just the past few months, but the past year.  I'll try my best to express how I felt but the key words would be overwhelmed and hopeless.  I would study my ass off and still get questions wrong on tests or look completely idiotic in training

Changing the World...One Spoon at a Time

In the past couple of months, I became the Public Affairs Officer for the Company Grade Officer Association (CGOA) for my base.  It has been a huge honor for me and if you don't know me, a lot of folks like to say that my fictional character twin is definitely Leslie Knope.

Now I certainly don't mind that one bit because I love Leslie and I love Amy Poehler.  When I became the PA officer, I knew that I wanted to make a difference and I also knew that the CGOA needed that boost of energy from me.  In working with five amazing, yet very busy people, our schedules don't always mesh well.  But honestly, that's where I come in.  We've created a new e-mail address, an updated Facebook page, a Twitter account, and a private CGOA board Facebook group.

I was honored when my fellow CGOs voted me in as the PA and although the position encourages community involvement and volunteerism, I wanted to embrace that and really become a positive influence on our local community.  For me, moving to Great Falls really flipped a switch on how active someone should be in their community.  I feel like it is every person's civic responsibility to give back in some way.  My friend May mentioned a local organization called My Neighbor In Need.  It's a really fantastic non-profit where local families can request assistance with a specific need.  For example, some people may need mattresses for their kids, so they'll put up a request online for X number of child-size mattresses.  Then people can visit the site, check over the requests, and see if they can help out.

From the end of February to the end of March, we are doing our first charity drive called Home at the Dinner Table.  We have donation boxes all throughout the local community and folks are asked to donate clean kitchen items.  These items will be given to My Neighbor In Need and then passed on to families in the community that need them.  Kitchen supplies are actually in the top three most requested items for the organization.

One of my personal favorite components of the campaign are the print ads:

 

   

I know every single one of these people and they have such beautiful spirits! It's been amazing working with all of these different people and supporting a great cause.  If you're reading this and are a CGO, we are brainstorming so many ideas and feel free to share with any one of your board members.  I can't wait for the rest of 2014 with such awesome people =]





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20 Things About Myself at 23 (Part I)

I'm not sure if I've ever really listed out 20 things about myself on my blog, apart from blog awards, and I've seen it in the blogosphere as well as on Instagram.  So here is part one :)

1. I got married when I was 21 to a great man, Ryan, while he was in the Marine Corps.  During that time, I experienced the end of a deployment while we were dating, and Ryan was deployed to Afghanistan for almost our entire first year of marriage.  Right now we're in our third year (2.5 years down), but we're still learning a lot about each other, our habits, effective communication, and how to be better partners.

2. I was baptized a Catholic but was re-baptized as an adult, a few months ago, at my new church home.  Declaring a church home has always been something really important to me.  Growing up, I was very much Catholic, but as I got older, I didn't really agree with a lot of the religious doctrine.  It was much more than a time of, "I don't want to follow these rules." Instead, I personally felt that it wasn't a good fit for me or what I truly believe in and support.  I came to realize this more and more as I attended other worship services and realized how much more open these services were and people developed a relationship with God far more than I saw in Catholic services.  In my Catholic family and community, it kind of felt like there was more emphasis on doing things a certain way, instead of living in God's name.  When I went to Great Falls Christian Community for the first time, everything just seemed to click and I love it there.

3. I love dogs.  I have ever since I was a little kid when I would go to the library and check out volumes of books on dogs to learn more about breeds.  One summer, while babysitting, I put together a folder of print outs of different dog breeds.  Probably around that time was when my family got a yellow labrador and it kind of made me realize that my mom and I had very different outlooks on how we thought a dog should be a part of the family.  My parents had an amazing kennel built for our dog that had indoor/outdoor access and it was pretty cool.  However, our dog never was really in the house with us and for me, that was pretty sad.  When I met Ryan and his family, it was a 180.  His mom has three labs and they all are such a big part of the family.  I knew that when Ryan and I got dogs, it would be the same.  I really love having our dogs be indoor dogs and they're like our kids.  Holly and Blu are so spoiled but I don't think I'd have it any other way.

4. I am addicted to Instagram.  Hands-down, it's my most favorite of social media outlets.  I love seeing a snapshot of people's lives, especially awesome people who love to craft, or are awesome parents, or just create really beautiful photos.  The Instagram accounts I follow always inspire me, either with crafting or spiritually in developing my relationship with Jesus.  I need to put together a list of awesome Instagrammers to follow ;)

5. I have been compared to Leslie Knope, and I love it.  In case you don't know who Leslie Knope is, then we can be best-friends.  I'm just kidding...sort of.  She's Amy Poehler's character in the show, Parks and Recreation.  She is hilarious and Mindy Kaling confirmed that she is awesome (she is a writer/actress in The Office).  Leslie Knope has the type of spirit and energy that is intoxicating and contagious- it just spreads to everybody else.  Awhile ago I wrote a really long, really depressing blog post about how I greatly disliked the town that my duty station is located in.  All I could see were the problems and what it was lacking.  Now I can't ignore those things, but I can definitely spin an alternative outlook on it and so I've started thinking more positively.  I try to be an influence for good at work, with my friends, and at home.  I'm enthusiastic about life and I try to bring that to other people to brighten their day.

Part II is coming up!

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Military Spouses vs. Female Service Members

Military Spouse Magazine has been doing a series of articles addressing stereotypes among military spouses and it also brought up the relationships between military spouses and female service members. That specific article was brief and written by a female Army veteran who now works for the magazine. As an Air Force officer, I couldn't relate to what she had said but then again, I had the opportunity to be a spouse first. I never looked down on someone for missing their husband too much while they were deployed because I know how that feels. When Ryan was deployed, romantic comedies and shopping comforted me. There was many a night I would find myself waiting for a bus back to campus with a Target bag in hand because Target seemed to have healing powers during that time. I also know how it feels to be overqualified for jobs and you're still sending in applications to find something temporarily because you're living off of E-4 pay. It's not fun trying to figure out how to budget groceries off of one very limited income. Even though I don't have kids, I know childcare is insanely expensive and it's usually more cost effective to have one partner stay home with the kids.

But at the same time, I definitely have felt the differences of being a service member instead of a spouse. When I was in ROTC, I was warned that some spouses would hate me for two reasons, 1. I was pretty 2. I spent a lot of time with their husbands. I wasn't even in my careerfield yet and I already had women hating me...great! It doesn't matter that while on alert, I usually have a sideways messy topknot, glasses, and a pimple or two speckling my face. It doesn't matter that when I wake up, there are probably tendrils of hair glued to my cheek from drool (yeah, that's a pretty picture). There are just going to be women who dislike me for just being in that position. It didn't matter whether I was attractive, ugly, or the highest ranking person that woman knew- I would be considered a problem. I haven't had to face too many jealous wives or girlfriends yet and thank goodness. Again, I think drool tendrils help, but that's just my opinion. If that day ever comes where I am in a battle with a spouse, I wish I could have a frank conversation in saying that I have zero interest in their signicant other and I am no threat to their happiness.

I am very much in love with my husband, regardless if we fight or if life is being particularly difficult. I am also fiercely loyal to him. I still notice when people are physically attractive, however, I'm the kind of woman who also remarks when another woman is also very beautiful. It's not a defense mechanism to call out every pretty girl on the block, it's just something I notice. The human body is a beautiful thing, and to be treated with respect- so should relationships. I trust my husband and he trusts me. I am not there to seduce your partner, I am there to provide nuclear deterrence.

I am far more concerned about my test scores and becoming a better missileer, than throwing a wrench in your relationship.

However, that's not to say that I haven't felt the effects of being a female service member and not solely being a spouse. The thing about being an officer is that I'm still a spouse, that just didn't stop when I become a butter bar. You may have seen my rant on Instagram about a recent e-mail sent to me by the president of our spouse's club. A little background- we live in a small town. There are a ton of mom and pop style restaurants casinos and a few boutiques. Some of boutiques downtown are incredibly cute, but most of the businesses here are severely lacking in quality or customer service. Despite having two universities, the town isn't bustling and to my understanding it's the second largest city in Montana. There's potential for economic growth, but it's underutilized. With that being said, activities for female service members or really just women in general are few and far between. I'm friends with several military spouses and I suggested they check out the spouses club. Emphasis: I led them to the spouse's club. When Ryan was stationed at Camp Pendleton, there wasn't an enlisted spouses's club (to my knowledge), but there was an officer's one. Not being an officer yet/not being a wife to an officer, I didn't participate but I think I would have loved it! Whenever my friends would come back from a spouse's club social at our current base, they would say, "Kim you would love this! This is totally your thing!" After a couple of months living here, I thought I would send in an e-mail and see if it was possible. The e-mail basically said, "due to few opportunities for women in this area, would it be possible to be a part of this group, despite being an active duty female service member?" I also put in that I respect that it's a space for military spouses, however I'm still a spouse. The response was a subtle "no" and a suggestion that I volunteer for a project they ran. To me that basically read, you can't be a part of the group's social activities, but we need manning to meet our goals. Cute.

I was an active duty spouse. I am now a veteran's spouse. I am an active duty service member who is married. No where in there did I just stop being a spouse. No where in there did I stop needing an opportunity to bond with women in a similar situation than me. Just because I'm a missileer doesn't mean that I don't go to the commissary or BX. I was just there to pick up ingredients for a pumpkin cake and walked through the same checkout and tipped the same bagger that you probably did. It doesn't mean that I don't have the same worries that other military spouses have. We worry about bills and paying off my school loans. We worry about when is the right time to start having a baby (which if you've read my blog, you know I think about frequently). We worry about getting time to see our family back in Wisconsin.

That e-mail could have gone several ways. I respect that it's a spouse's space, however, I don't see the importance of the dividing line when it comes to wine nights, book clubs, and any other social events. To me it seems trivial, especially with so few opportunities for women. That e-mail should have provided resources or other opportunities, and ones that didn't include volunteering for a project that needed manning. That just annoyed me. Not that I don't like volunteering, but there are tons of already existing volunteering opportunities.

To sum all of this up, I'm simply disappointed. It has put me in a position where I recognize that there are few opportunities for female service members and instead of creating a liaison between the two groups, there's just a dividing line. It has also made me realize that maybe I need to create this opportunity. Maybe I need to organize wine nights, a bookclub, a rollerskating night, or any fun activity. This thought got me excited- the possibilities are endless! Then I thought about it further, would I exclude Hannah, Emily, Rhi, or Allie, just because they're spouses? No, that's not like me. I would want every woman affiliated with this base who needed a night of fun, to have that night and to meet other great women.

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250 Words

Story of My Life's first challenge: "the story of your life in 250 words or less" (a very brief auto-biography).  

This is going into way more than 250...I apologize in advance.

I'm the blonde-looking child and that's my cousin, who I just placed a block on because we enjoyed nudity in our youth...hey it was always scorching hot outside!

I was born in the Philippines and grew up as part of a rather large Navy family.  

My mom came from a large family and so I have several aunts, uncles, and cousins who still live there.  My mom worked in a bar/restaurant owned by family friends who were practically family and it was located very close to a U.S. Naval base (my memory wavers but it could have actually been on the base).  My mom met a sailor with a son and ended up becoming a nanny for him.  The sailor and my mom ended up falling in love and eventually had me.  This is a tough part of my history because that man was unfaithful to my mother and he left for the U.S. without her.  Over time my mom met another man, named Jim, and married him.  Although he's technically my step-dad, he's always been dad to me.  We lived in Southern California for several years and moved back to Wisconsin so my father could pursue employment by his family.  I spent most of my life in Wisconsin and am a proud Sconnie.  My brother Jimmy was born when I was 8 and we ended up moving several times, all within the same city.  I have so many fond memories of different families back there and of different school programs.  My favorites come from a charter school that I attended from 6th to 8th grade.  One of my best-friends that I met during Middle School is getting married this summer and I can't wait to see her!  During high school I was one of the captains for my swim team and spent a total of 10 years competitively swimming.  Looking back, I wished I had taken it more seriously because I had a lot of talent and wasted it by loathing practices.  Also in high school, I was part of your yearbook program which competed nationally.  That's where my love for design and journalism blossomed.  It was further cultivated in DECA and our Advanced Marketing program.  

I was nervous about getting into a good school but after ramping up my resume, I had nothing to worry about. I got into 11 different universities and was going to attend the University of Central Florida but after representing Wisconsin at DECA Internationals, I changed my mind.  I called my dad up and told him I wanted to go to Wisconsin and he was so excited, especially since he's a Wisconsin alum.  He drove up to Madison the next day and changed over all of my paperwork.  That's just one of many reasons that I absolutely adore my dad.  I attended UW-Madison and it's one of the greatest experiences of my life.  I can only look back on fond memories or ones that taught me so much.  I'm a Theta and I did the recruitment process, all while balancing the last part of try-outs for the Wisconsin Band.  Love the band, but boy howdy was that rigorous.  I didn't make the band, percussion killed my legs, but I did get a bid from Theta and it was a wonderful experience.  I did several jobs while I was there, including being a tour guide, event coordinator for Sex Out Loud, and a House Fellow for Sellery.  These were the best jobs ever and I miss them so much.  Being a tour guide helped shape my public presentation skills and I met so many awesome people.  Sex Out Loud is an organization at UW that does peer-to-peer sexual health education and advocacy.  That job taught me so much about the necessity for sexual health education and how drastically different the education process is for different school systems.  We got the results of that with incoming college freshmen.  A lot of my beliefs come from those experiences.  I was a House Fellow or RA for one of the rambunctious dorms at Wisconsin.  It taught me a lot about being a role model, multi-tasking, patience, time management, and how I would like to raise my future kids.  I also joined the Air Force ROTC program after my freshman year and then a few years later became an officer.

I also got married while I was in college to my best-friend, Ryan.  I have discussed so many aspects of the joys and issues that came with this in previous posts and I'm sure I'll keep on talking about it in the future.  I moved to Southern California twice (each summer), where Ryan was stationed for the Marine Corps.  I then moved to Central Coast California, where I was stationed for training and now to Montana where we live with our two German Shepherds.  There's so much I can go into about certain elements of my life, but I'm just excited to have the opportunity to be a part of this challenge.

     

What Goes into a Military Move

I've moved quite a few times in my young life and every time I move, I learn something new.  I'm sure the spouses of service members who have been in the military for years make it look easy, but I always learn something valuable in every new place.  Some tips are fairly solid and I thought I would share with you, because they're valuable for any move, regardless if you're in the military.

Stage 1: Receiving Your Orders
Although sheets of paper, orders are quite literally what their title stands for- military orders directing you on where you will be stationed.

This is key to the process because you need orders to do anything with a military move.  This verifies to whomever you're renting from that you'll need to end your lease.  It tells cable/internet/phone that you're canceling or moving it to a new city.  It also allows you to put a down payment or reservation on a new house/apartment or live in base housing.  You're able to work with the Traffic Management Office (TMO) and get your household goods moved from point A to point B.  You can also do a DITY move or a partial DITY, where you move your household items on your own.  Usually since

With your orders, you're able to go around and accomplish aspects of out-processing, which is a necessary aspect in moving.
 
Stage 2: Planning Your Move
At this stage in our lives, many of us have accumulated furniture sets, so we'll be working with a few moving companies.  There is a company from the town you're living in and the company they'll switch to at your new residence.  There may even be an additional company thrown in the mix for the drive between point A and B.  They will contact you and do a brief walk through of your existing home.  This gives them an estimate of how long it will take them to pack and how much weight they're actually packing.  What was wonderful about my first military moves was that I had a moving representative in contact with me the entire time.  I can call or e-mail the representative if I have any questions or concerns and they call me on days that anything is happening with TMO to make sure all is well.  It's really awesome customer service.

The movers spent a day at our house packing up our items and then came back the next day to load them on a truck.  It was always a tip given to me to provide food and drinks for the movers.  Because of this, I always have water bottles and snacks but every time, the movers already bring their own lunches and snacks.  Anyways it's still good to have.

Stage 3: Staying in Hotels
Base hotels are some of the best deals you can find when it comes to hotel accommodations.  They have pet-friendly rooms and are often priced at 50% the cost you could find on sites like Expedia.  When I make reservations to stay at base hotels and it's part of a PCS, make sure that they know that.  During your move, you can be reimbursed for your stay at base hotels (TLFs) and are given a per diem allowance to stay at hotels during your move.  Based on the route we took, I looked on Expedia for hotels in those areas.

If you're traveling with a dog(s), or any other animal, it's important that you actually contact the hotel to ensure they allow your breed and size of dog.  Many hotels, like apartments, don't allow dogs over 25 lbs.

Notes on Expedia or Using Any Other Hotel Search Site: 

• The numbers listed are usually the main line for the chain of hotels versus that specific hotel.  Plug in the name of the hotel and city in your search engine of choice to find the exact number.  At least three times I called the number that Expedia provided and had to talk to operators.  

• Although hotels list that "pets are allowed" they all have their own policies that they inconveniently don't list on Expedia's site.  Call ahead and make sure your pet is allowed.  Most have a pet fee as well, which is not listed on Expedia's site.  We encountered two pet fees, one hotel was $25 and the other $10.

•  By calling ahead, you can also check to see if there is a military discount.  I found that with a couple of hotels, the military discount was $10-$20 cheaper than Expedia's or any other search engine's site. 

• If you do book your reservation online, make sure to include that you have a pet in the comment box.  I requested that our rooms be on the first floor with easy access to a useable exit.  This ensured that getting our dog outside to relieve herself was as easy as possible.  It's also convenient for moving your things in and out of your car.

Stage 3.5: Traveling with Pets
Not only are you moving yourself, your family, and your things across country, but your pets as well.  Woof, this can get tricky.  It's important to have your animals' documentation on you.  Hotels may require copies of their vaccinations, so it's good to have a few copies on you.  If you're staying in a base hotel, you will definitely need this.  You will also have to book pet-friendly TLFs in advance.  They are incredibly convenient, but bases usually have only a few pet-friendly rooms and they get booked up fast.

 

With Holly, we had a backpack designated solely for her things and we had her large, collapsible kennel in the trunk of the car.  That was probably the bulkiest item of our entire trip.  In her backpack, we had a large stuffed animal, a large Nylabone, a smaller bag of dog food, pig ears, her teeth brushing tools and ear cleaning solution.  Of course, we had her harness and leash because leashed pets are required everywhere.  Her dog bowls were also packed into our car.  What was nice about Nature's Variety dog food is that they have a smaller bag and this was perfect for the trip.  If your dog food brand, doesn't have a convenient zipper bag, I would highly recommend filling up zip-lock baggies with each day's amount of food.  Every night that we would get to a new hotel, we would establish this area as a new space for her by having her bowls out, giving her a pig ear (or any other treat), and making sure she had her bunny (the large stuffed animal).  Holly loved going to hotels because of it.  It became a treat for her.

We've also flown with Holly before and that's a whole other ballgame.  That requires having all of her documentation, a permission letter from the vet, contacting the shipping aspect of the airline, etc.  The travel kennel has to meet certain requirements, with the main one being that she can turn around in the kennel and isn't bunched for hours.  You also need travel dishes attached to the travel kennel.  We packed a gallon zip lock bag of her food on the top of the kennel and they would refill her food and water dish from the outside of the kennel.  The dishes have to be easily obtainable, without opening the kennel door.  She was only a few months old at that time and it wasn't a part of a move.  We had to drop her off several hours before her flight and she could not be sedated.  She did just fine, but each dog is different.

When you move, check the requirements.  Some cities require that you register with their counties and sometimes you have to register your dog with the base.  Although we lived in our previous city for less than half a year, we had to register Holly and it was pricey.  It's important to look into all of that and prices often differ between ages and whether they are fixed or not.

Stage 4: What to Pack

This is still a challenge for me because I often over pack.  Movers won't be at your new location as soon as you arrive to your new base, so it's important that you pack what you need.  They could show up a few days after you arrive or a few weeks. For me it was including military uniforms and warmer clothes for our new climate.  You may want to pack workout clothes and gym shoes since you may have time to workout.  We also packed pots, pans, and utensils so we could save money instead of eating fast food/restaurant-food.  It's a lot of calories, a lot of fat, and a lot of money if you don't take this route.  Although you will be reimbursed for several aspects of your move, you still have to pay for it all up front.  This can get expensive very quickly.  We traveled in a car, so we decided to send a box of our kitchen supplies to our new address via UPS.  This was perfect for us.  When we arrived, the box arrived at our house that afternoon.  We had forks, plates, cups, etc. all for our use right away.

I pack a lot of sweatshirts, yoga pants, sweatpants, and the comfier outfits for traveling.  I also highly suggest bringing one "nicer" outfit.  I didn't think I would need one and we ended up in several situations where I could have definitely used something more business casual versus jeans and a loose tee.  I packed a backpack, large suitcase, larger make-up bag, and a Vera Bradley travel organizer, much like the one pictured to the left.

I highly suggest condensing what make-up/hygiene products that you bring.  It felt like a lot of items and the car got less and less crowded throughout the trip by using items that could be thrown away but it was just a lot of schtuff.

Finally, I used an accordion folder to travel with all of my important items.  This allowed quick access to my orders, Holly's shot records, hotel reservation confirmations, and anything else that is important to carry with you.  

Have you done a military move or a move in general?  Feel free to comment and share your thoughts, tips, and advice below!

Thanks for Reading!

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Be sure to check out this month's featured blog:

 

Ode to the Dresses for Donation

I have always hated moving. Yes, the word "hated" is a strong choice of words for a chore as mundane as moving, but I really do despise it.  We are lucky, to have paid military movers (TMO), but regardless, I have moved a lot in my lifetime.  I have moved from the Philippines to the United States, from California to Wisconsin, moved five times in the same city, repeatedly moved back and forth from my hometown to Madison, moved to California (twice), and then from SoCal to Central Cal.  Now it's time to move to Montana.  You would think that I have become better at it, but to be honest with you, the best way to get better at it is to have less stuff. 

So this begins the weekly process of getting rid of said stuff.  We started by going through boxes and boxes in our spare room of things that my mom helped pack and send from Wisconsin to California.  TMO, God bless their hearts, will literally pack everything, so many boxes had notebooks of old college class notes (even high school notebooks), old chapsticks, scraps of paper and old water bottles. 

There are bags dedicated to Goodwill and then there are trashbags filled with just plain ol' garbage.  Which brings me to the topic of this post, my college dresses.
Lordy do I miss being in college.  Madison just has this feel to it that is good for the soul.  There's this store on campus called Pitaya and then there was an Urban Outfitters, not to mention West Towne Mall that would always restock its dresses and I would always be well stocked on numerous outfits to wear to sorority functions or just to be business casual.  Every year, I would make that difficult decision to donate the clothes that I rarely wore to Goodwill and just keep pressing on.
The last major dress donation involved getting rid of many of my "going out" clothes since I got married.

A tame picture from my 21st-birthday celebration. Yep, animal print had to go.

It was easy to go through them because many of them were filled with good memories, usually a little fuzzy from jaunts at bars like Kollege Klub or Karaoke Kid or grabbing a fishbowl at Wando's, but they were a little much, a little tight or a little too short.  The type of outfits where you can say, "someone else can enjoy you." 

However, packing up the bags and folding clothes this time around was surprisingly a little more difficult.

As I write this, I'm staring at space vacuum bags littered on the floor- some of them filled, others not.  I see a pile of Theta t-shirts that are neatly folded into a leaning tower of pisa.  I'm not sure what else to do with them besides make them into a t-shirt quilt.  There are jeans that are just a size too small and I'm realizing that with many of my clothes.  However, it's difficult to part with many of them because they're my favorites.  I love clothes and fashion.  I love putting together a great outfit from numerous pieces I have in my closet.  I adore lace, vintage-style dresses or a sweater paired with my dark-rimmed glasses.  Plus many of these outfits are filled with really great memories.

 

Like this white dress I first wore to celebrate the end of summer with my friends.  I was off to field training and we decided to get together and have a grand old time.  Most of us spent our summers as lifeguards so we always had killer tans.  We even had a condom pinata with collectible ONE condoms (they're hilarious) at the party and no preggo the eggo cupcakes which is a recipe post just waiting to happen.

 

That same white dress would later be used at my Bachelorette Party where we had way too much fun with my friends and sorority sisters.  They wrote down words of advice, we ate cake and snacks and had an outrageously great time on a Madison bar crawl.  Here I am with Kate, one of my all time best-friends and world travelers.  After I got married, I lived vicariously through her adventures to Australia.

Here I am with another one of my sorority sisters in a "going out" outfit.  I'm pretty sure we were just craving cheesecake and wine and so we went out for it.  Our favorite stop was The Icon because the specialty drinks were delicious and named after classic movie titles.  I miss living with my sisters and getting all dolled up to go out on weekends- even if it was just to get a glass of wine with the girls.

Here was my notorious "going out" shirt.  Pretty sure I kept this bad boy for a solid 3+ years because it was the best material and a gorgeous color.  Kate dubbed it my "going out" shirt for how often I wore it out.  It was like good luck.  We always had an amazing time whenever I wore that shirt.

As college progressed, I took fewer pictures because I was always held up at work or had other commitments.  This caused me to go out fewer times.  I also stopped enjoying going out to bars, and definitely not going to socials because I was already married and let's face it, frat boys aren't really going after married ladies :P  Plus, it wasn't really my kind of scene to begin with.  However, I loved hanging out with my sorority sisters.  Nights spent in sweatpants watching a chick flick were my favorites. 

Now as an adult, my career requires that I'm wearing a military uniform 5 days a week for almost the entire day (from sun-up to sun-down).  That's perfectly alright, but by the time I get home, I'm all about the stretchy soft comfort that a pair of yoga pants provides.  Half the time I choose to go without make-up because it's quite a bit of work.  Ryan isn't big into going out, so I can't tell you the last time I wore a "going out" style dress.  Wait, I can.  I put on make-up and a nice outfit to run errands one day because I felt like it.  Ryan asked me why and all I could say was that I wanted to look nice.  There just isn't too much cause or opportunity.  My friends here have to actually plan an event that would require us to dress-up.  Ryan doesn't even own dress clothes (this is a story for another post) but that should give you an idea that we don't attend too many occasions or events that require dress slacks and a pretty dress.

It's not my intention for this to be a pity post.  As I folded these outfits or put them up for donation, I was filled with a loving sense of all the great memories I made with wonderful people.  I wore many of these dresses and tops for birthday parties, movie nights, hugged a sister when she was accepted into a prestigious academic program, dinner and margs with girls, etc.  I wouldn't necessarily call it a type of sadness, because I'm not sad.  I just love this opportunity to reminisce on the things that have happened.  I hope that another young woman in this town can make use of that polka dot dress or the stretchy white, sparkly number because I had so many great times in all of them.

Thanks for Reading!

Realities of a Pinterest Perfect, Military Marriage

Before I divulge into the inner workings of making a military marriage work, I would love for y'all to visit Lauran's blog, The Real Young Housewife of Southern Virginia.  Today I'm featured as a guest blogger on a topic that I'm sure we can all relate with, when Pinterest crafting goes horribly wrong.  It's a light and funny read (hopefully you'll find it funny) and Lauran is an awesome blogger, so go check it out and then come right back ;)

With Valentine's Day coming up, I've been reflecting on my marriage of almost two years.  This is the first Valentine's Day that Ryan and I will have together.  So of course, I am all kinds of excited to make it spectacular.  However, I have learned from past experiences that sometimes I need to bring down my enthusiasm level to a rate that Ryan can understand.  What makes this Valentine's Day a little more interesting is that we will be on the road, mid-move to Montana.  So I've started putting together a few things for my valentine a little early.  I'm sure you've seen this tutorial on Pinterest but it's so easy and I would love to share:

Decorate-a-Mug

Supplies

Ceramic mugs from the dollar store

Sharpies

Working oven, set to 350 degrees

Decorate your mug, put it in the oven for about a half hour and voila, you've got yourself an inexpensive Valentine's Day gift.

"All of these words are worthless than the breath used to say them if we cannot be together."

Cute and romantic, eh?  

I'm not really sure what else to get Ryan and come to think about it, I think Ryan may be my first Valentine.  I definitely remember a dating pattern of breaking up with boyfriends in October and getting boyfriends in March.  Anyone else have dating patterns?  I always thought it was weird but oddly enough, that's how it usually worked out.  

Ryan loves to work out and doesn't really like junk food so I think the traditional heart-shaped box of chocolates may not be his thing. Shopping for broskis is so difficult!  Curse the expectations that come with VDay!

But this brings me to my next point.

If you read Destiny's guest blog post, it ties in so well to this topic of Pinterest perfect marriages.

When Ryan was deployed I created a ton of care packages for him and I did a "picture a day while you're away."  It was my way of showing him that I cared and I missed him greatly (such an understatement, deployments own your brain).  Creating and designing things is such a personal way of exploring my creative energy and I love to share it, whether it's on my blog or my Pinterest boards.  It's also a major way of me showing people that I care.  I would have so many people message me saying how inspired they were by the care packages and the pictures, it was both flattering and humbling.  I'm afraid that I may have added to this Hollywood notion that military marriages are this fairytale.  Homecomings are a dream come true and one of my most cherished moments, however, it's what happens post-homecoming that people don't really cover or understand.

I still consider myself a newlywed, and not in the "honeymoon" period, either.  Ryan and I have our arguments and fights, just like any other married couple.  It usually comes from the fact that we've spent most our marriage apart, either living in California versus Wisconsin or the continental US versus Afghanistan.  Most recently we've lived in the same state (five hours apart), and just moved back in together when Ryan finally finished his Marine Corps contract.  Every time that we've been together, part of our relationship has to start over again and rebuild.  It takes a lot of communication and patience.  Being in our early 20s, that doesn't always come easily or is readily available.  Mix in a military lifestyle, you have constant moves, training, early days, late nights, etc.  I try to make the most of our time together by scheduling breaks in the day, like lunch, where we can see each other and just talk or relax.  In the morning, I'm focused on going to work and at night, I'm analyzing what happened that day and what I can improve on.  I would say that communicating at night isn't my strongest quality.  If I had a bad day, I need that time to decompress and then start communicating, otherwise Ryan can do the littlest thing and it can set me off.  It's the same for him.  I'm very much an advocate for personal time and working on "Me."  Not as a selfish aspect, but more in terms of self care and make sure that I'm doing good and Ryan's doing good, respectively on our own.  Together we're a united front and we can't have one end feeling upset, otherwise, we're not communicating as effectively as we could be.

My advice for being in a military marriage?

Patience, a positive attitude, effective communication, and resilience.  

Things will always change and nothing is ever permanent.  It is only permanent five hours after it happened.  With that in mind, you have to have patience and good communication.  Don't leave your spouse hanging, wondering what's going on or if they need to make dinner later or earlier.  Sometimes it can be really stressful or just bring out the worst in you.  You've got to overcome that because you need to work as a team.  Ryan and I don't have any human children yet, just our Holly Bear.  We've planned it that way so we can work on our marriage base first and build up from that.  I tackle being in a military lifestyle with a positive attitude.  It's a mixture of optimism and realism.  Plans will always change, so have a back-up plan (in fact, have three) and keep a smile on your face.  Make sure you have concrete ways to de-stress.  When Ryan was deployed, sometimes I would feel so overwhelmed, I still sometimes feel that way with training.  Blogging for me became a positive outlet on which I could focus on many other aspects of my life besides being in the military.  Sometimes that little break, even if it's just a blog post, is so very necessary.  

One way that I'm working on documenting our marriage-

I saw this really neat idea for people who are engaged, to keep a journal for your soon-to-be husband.  I loved the idea and decided to keep a journal (I bought two for extra writing) for my husband throughout the year.  I wanted to cover things we fought about, how we communicated, good things and events in our life.  I think it may be a great way to reflect on our marriage at the end of the year.

I'm really excited about this and to include love letters on our second/third year of marriage.  We have so many things to look forward to within the coming weeks and it will all be recorded.  Wahooo for old school journaling.

oh and in case you don't follow me on Instagram, I got a haircut :)

 

 Yay for new things!

Thanks for reading :)

No More "See You Laters"

For the first time since Ryan and I have been married, we finally get to be together.
Not like living together for a month or two and then being separated, but really and truly be together.
He will receive his discharge papers later today and I finally get to breathe that sigh of relief.

My husband is my partner and my best-friend.
I am so incredibly proud of him for the sacrifices that he has made to defend our country.
He graduated from high school early to join the Marine Corps and dedicated four years of his young life to the Corps.  When many kids were getting trashed in college, he was deployed to Afghanistan.
Now that's not to take away from anyone who has gone to college, clearly I just graduated from a top-notch university, but his life experiences made him grow up a lot sooner than other young people.

While he was deployed, I made three videos for him.
The first was right before Christmas and it was a video of well wishes from all of these people who love and care about him.  It's long but filled with love.



You had everyone from his mom, step-dad, my parents, my sorority sisters, my residents (I'm was a House Fellow otherwise known as an R.A.), extended relatives, even the dogs telling him how much they missed him.

This second video was a birthday one, but I wanted to show you all the third one.

It's a collection of memories from the deployment and my graduation/commissioning. The very next day I hopped on a plane to San Diego to welcome my husband home!



So many wonderful memories :)

A Homecoming Captured in Still Images