Keeping It Real: The Difficulties and Sins Within My Relationship

I really just want to call this "airing my dirty laundry" but I feel that in today's picture perfect, social-media driven world, it's important to be honest when we can be.  I tell my Young Life girls all of the time that what they see on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram are often times pictures that have been thought out in great detail and topped off with a filter.  It's a high-lights reel of our life...just a glimpse of it without the gruesome stuff that reality brings.

So this is me, being honest with all of you.  When I say all of you, I'm probably actually talking to my mom, some friends back home who keep up with my blog, and then some of my Air Force friends.  But this is it.  This is what keeping it real is all about.

f o s t e r i n g

Before I got married, I never really saw myself fostering. I definitely felt compelled to adopt because it's important to me and I believe that families have the potential to impact the outcome of our world.  A family is so crucial to helping a child prosper in life and I know that I can give a child a good home.  However, I never thought to foster but then I became a CASA and I started to think more about the idea.  Ever since I became one earlier this year, it's been something I've prayed about and thought about in great detail.  About a month ago, I felt that God was telling me that I needed to foster and I have a really strong faith. It may sound weird to you, the reader, but for me it is an important aspect of my faith.  So I was like okay God, I'll talk to Ryan about it and see where we're at.  Ryan wants to foster and adopt but he definitely does not feel the same calling that I feel right now.  This is something he wants to do in the future and I cannot explain how conflicted I feel about that.  I feel called right now and I know that I will do this at any point in my life but I feel so pulled to to do this right now and it's really difficult that we're not on the same page.  It's also difficult because as soon as I felt called, I started discount shopping for baby things.  I got screaming good deals on so much stuff.  Big stuff, like a crib, strollers, car seats, you name it and I got it.  It was all a very exciting process and I even sold my old Cricut to fund some of the furniture (again I got really good deals...as in everything for under $140).

That's not everything I got but one of our rooms is filled with baby things and it's quite fun.  However, with Ryan's reluctance to foster, they're just reminders of conflicts within our marriage. Instead of fostering Ryan wants us to try for a baby in January...which brings me to the next topic.

b a b i e s

You may have read the post Before You're Expecting and know how badly I want to have a baby.  Except now that I feel called to foster, something just doesn't feel right about having a biological baby right now.  I'm also kind of mad because I feel like my love for children and so badly wanting to have a baby is kind of being used as leverage in our situation.  I know Ryan is excited about the future prospect about trying to have a baby in the new year, except...I'm not.  I know that there is a strong likelihood that I'll change my mind and because of that I've still been taking prenatals because there's no way I'm risking my baby's safety because I'm indecisive.  I just want to be a mom on my own terms.  I also want to make sure that when I'm pregnant, that I'm absolutely, 100% thrilled.  I want to enjoy the experience as much as I can.  So I'm asking for prayers on guidance, clarity, and reassurance.

e d u c a t i o n

One of my biggest sins is how much I wish I could sometimes change my husband.  I want to be supportive and nurturing but sometimes I'm just angry.  Ryan has earned the right to be a full time student but when I was a full time student, I worked several jobs and would take 18 credits a semester. I think what is really difficult in our situation now is that back in college, I had very little sympathy for my peers who didn't work and now that's my husband.  I also work now and am about to wrap up my Master's Degree.  I love working and accomplishing my goals at the same time. I also have a really difficult time understanding the perspective of those who need to focus solely on their education.  I believe that everyone has the right to focus solely on their education, I just never had that experience and I legitimately cannot relate.

v a c a t i o n // t i m e

So that ultimately trickles into other areas. For example, I haven't been home in forever and flying out of this town is so expensive.  Basically I could fly from Wisconsin to California for a cheaper price than what it costs to fly into Montana.  It completely baffles my mind as to how this is possible.  But with that said, it's hard to not go home or go on vacations.  I desperately need a vacation and not in the state of Montana.  For those who know me really well, Christmas is a BIG deal to me and so not going home (again) is going to be another source of contention this year (again).

I recently got really mad at Ryan about this topic and I know it's not completely his fault.  Getting leave in my careerfield is very tricky, especially around the holidays.  Every month leading into the time where we could start asking, I made sure Ryan understood this.  I even went as far as looking up his school schedule before he even knew it so that he would be able to know when he had finals and when we could go.  Dates were never picked and the time to put in leave passed.  I am still irritated over this.

 

f i n a n c e s

 

I'm also not the best with money.  Ryan is significantly better at being fiscally responsible and budgeting for our family.  However, we also prioritize things differently.  With my job, I know that I need to get certain things done ahead of time.  If I don't, I will miss out an entire holiday season.  That's why I start Halloween decorations at the end of August and Christmas pictures are taken on Sweetest Day in October.  It just helps everything work out.  However, I'm also the partner in our relationship that cares more about that stuff as well.  So it makes it difficult when budgeting for certain things because ultimately the argument can lean towards, "this is something that is a want not a need."  It's also difficult when my allowance (yes we have monetary allowances) goes towards crafting for our home and all of a sudden things come up like having to make a food dish for an event. It's so stressful to have surprise things come up and I'm trying to be better about budgeting for those things but it is hard.  I've also had to prioritize certain things ahead of time and it is so hard to pass up a sale. I have a note on my phone that details my wish list items and my wish list even has the practical items like underwear.  It totally sucks when you go to Target and there's a sale on something but you have to prioritize something else. My money situation and how I handle it is so much different than what it was in college. I would reward myself by going to Sephora, Forever21, and H&M.  As a "real grown-up" the most recent clothing purchase I made was new underwear because I needed it.  Womp womp.

I also think it's interesting, when comparing the college versus now budgeting, how much I need to include my partner in decision making.  In college, I traveled all of the time for weddings, to visit friends, to go home, and to attend conferences.  I haven't done any of that in so long and today I was thinking about what it would take for me to go to a blogging conference.  I would have to budget for the tickets for the event, the plane ticket, hotel, food, etc. but I would also have to see if Ryan is cool with it, who would watch the dogs, etc.  A big problem with us is that we haven't gone home in a long time so going home is a top priority. With us not going home for the holidays, any other vacations are basically X'd out.

 

f r i e n d s

 

Building relationships and memories is really important to me.  I know it's important to Ryan but I don't think it's quite on the same level.  For people who I am really close with, I would do anything for them.  I would like to think of myself as incredibly loyal.  You cannot put a price on the value of these friendships to me.  However, that can be a problem because Ryan doesn't see things the way that I do sometimes.  I'm busy and gone a lot and for me, I think it would be easier for him to understand this if he was just as busy.  But instead, he doesn't understand why I don't like to stay home or why I'm so willing to help out a friend at a minute's notice.  That's just the way that I'm built.  I also really hate staying at home, unless it's after dinner.  I get bored very easily and I like to use my free time to contribute to society.  That's just how my brain works and I think it's so crazy that God put two completely different people together.

 

f i n i s h i n g // t h o u g h t s

That my friends is everything.  Before I got married, every "real grown-up" in my life told me it was hard but they never fully explained why and I think it's because of everything I've said above. It's hard to talk about and no one wants to be the source of blame or to blame their significant other.  Marriage is just super hard all around.  There are so many issues and scenarios that you cannot possible dream up or explain until you go through it.  My problems may not be the same as yours and you may have a set of problems and issues in your relationship that I cannot even fathom.  However, I think it's so important to share because it reminds people that this is hard and it was never meant to be a fairy tale or easy process.  I'm still trying to ingrain that into my head - marriage is not a fairy tale.  If yours is, that is awesome but mine is 100% hard work...blood, sweat, and tears all the way.  The good thing is that I know why God put me and Ryan together.  I think it's really cool to have an understanding of that.  Our marriage breaks us down, but also builds us back up and we don't have to do it alone.  We have a friend for life to help and we'll both grow in the process.

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Deal Breakers I wish I had when I was Single

After I wrote about my deal breakers that I had when I was single, I got to thinking about the deal breakers that I would make if I could go back and have a good long talk with myself.

Deal Breaker 1: Dating for the Sake of Dating

When I heard this phrase "dating to marry," I thought the idea was crazy.  Why in the world would I want to date someone with the sole intention of marrying them? That sounds like a whole pot of crazy that I would be sloshing around. Hello, I'm Kim and this date will determine if you're a good husband select.  However, there is some method to this madness.  I read this completely ratchet article on women that had the saltiest delivery of information that I had ever read but also offered nuggets of wisdom. It did provide one golden egg and that was that if you're dating for the sake of dating, you're going to be with people for only 3-4 months and that's it.  You're literally there for the physical aspects and that's it.  

While I was going through the Air Force ROTC program, I realized through my own observations and the constant message from guest speakers that your spouse would be a key contributor to your career.  I saw many folks in healthy, long-term relationships and I had a hard time keeping long term relationships myself.  It caused me to think that I wasn't going to find a boyfriend in college that was going to keep a relationship, especially with an Air Force career and distance. So I started dating because I didn't want to be lonely and there were tons of really cute guys.  Why not?  Well it became a problem because we would date for a couple months, realize it wasn't really working or it was just existing and then drop it.  But it didn't stop there. A couple months later we'd start talking again and pick it back up.  However, nothing changed for either party in the relationship and it would drop again.  The reality is that God has a plan for you and you can date other people but then you're investing your heart, time, and energy into something that you know isn't going to work.

Picture Sourced from Pinterest

I would consistently run into the same problems. I liked him more than he really liked me or he liked me way more than I liked him.  I also found myself with a guy for the sole reason that I thought he was hot.  There were so few things in common with each other that we might as well have been strangers.  During all of that time, I could have invested myself into other programs, my goals or developing a better relationship with the Lord (I accomplished a ton already in college, but imagine what else I could have accomplished in that time).  God has a life plan for you and it may or may not include a life partner, but you don't have to get caught up in the idea that I need someone to be happy.  It wasn't until my other momma, Ruth, told me to focus on being happy because great people are attracted to happy people did I realize that message.  I needed to work on myself first, not get so caught up on what was going on around me, and things will fall into place.

Deal Breaker 2: Is he really that interesting when he's not in a frat house basement?
The really great thing about universities is that you have a bunch of young people (or older folks) who are throwing themselves out there to obtain their goals and ambitions. There are a lot of smart, attractive, and successful people e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e.  I feel like the term plenty of fish in the sea was developed for people in college because it's very applicable.  Despite all of these successes, when you mix alcohol, youth, and tight clothes- every perspective becomes skewed. Now I'm not hear to lecture anyone on participating in any of the above behaviors because honestly, I'm rather proud that I could fit into all of these itty bitty clothes and look good.  However, it's fun to meet people at these places and fun parties, but it's better to meet them outside of an environment that isn't tailored to perfection. I see a fraternity basement party as like an episode of The Bachelor, which is a laughable notion, I know. But you've got guys, usually significantly outnumbered by beautiful young women, and these ladies are vying for their attention in gorgeous party clothes.  These ladies aren't rocking a messy top knot and sweats, they spent time on their hair, makeup, etc.  The guys made some semblance of an effort, usually planning a party.  It's not very realistic when it comes to the day-to-day.  Once you put that guy at a library at 2 am studying or a girl working as a waitress to get through school, that's just us as normal people. There's always that awkward moment when you're in a class with someone and you recognize them from a party but don't really know them.  For me, some of those very people would later become good friends of mine, but I can tell you right now that I didn't marry any of them.  I wish college Kim would have gotten to know a person through coffee dates instead of dance moves and shots.  It would have also helped me learn a lot more about some guys who would really put me into unhealthy relationships.

Deal Breaker 3: If he doesn't treat you well now, he most certainly won't later.

From my perspective, I think this is the hardest thing for young women to grasp.  I'm not sure if it's the idea that we can change someone that makes it so difficult or if we are innately too trusting of others. Whatever it is, I think it's important to get out there that if a guy doesn't respect women and treat them well, he isn't going to magically treat you well later.  A ring, a wedding, a kid- none of that changes for sure.  If you're even thinking of exploring a relationship with someone, you deserve to start with a fairly balanced slate.  If it's tipped in his favor, you're going to get screwed over in the end and heartbroken.  If he's a player or legitimately a bad boyfriend, it's not your job to change him. It's his job to get his shit together.  Don't be with someone who has those kind of problems because he won't treat you well, you'll wonder why, and he simply will not give a damn.  It is literally so incredibly frustrating.

Pinterest Sourced Picture

Deal Breaker 4: Does he understand how to court a lady?

I don't think the young men of my generation understand how to court a lady. I went on so few dates in college in comparison to how many guys made passes at me, that it's embarrassing.  To me that says I don't want to invest the time nor energy in getting to know you, so the alternative is to see if you'll make out with me or  do anything else physical.  I find this to be such a shame.  There is such an art to courting and it doesn't have to be a Nicholas Sparks novel but boys don't have to try nearly as hard as they used to, to get a lady's attention.  I'm not saying that I helped this by any means.  I wish I established those expectations and kept them throughout college because I think that young women deserve to be taken out on actual dates and treated with dignity and respect.  Even being married, there are certain things that go completely above Ryan's head because he and his peers were never put into a position where they had to make a strong, concerted effort to be gentlemen.

Deal Breaker 5: Could I see myself having a baby with this guy?
This deal breaker is actually really personal for me and I know this is stirring the pot of crazy but this was a moment that happened to me in college.  In order to get any type of birth control prescription, you are asked a series of questions like when you last had sex or when you had your period.  Well I hadn't had my period yet and I had sex so I had to take a pregnancy test before I could have a certain birth control prescribed to me.  Although I knew I wasn't pregnant, the thought floated in the back of my mind and a very blatant question came up in my life. Would I want to have a baby with this guy?  The answer was no.  I liked him and he was successful, very smart, talented, the whole kit and kaboodle. On paper he was a really awesome guy but I knew I didn't want to have a family with him. So then that raises other questions like if I was pregnant, could I count on him? It also made me question my intentions with him.  If I had no desire of a future with him, then why was I with him?  The relationship quickly ended after that for additional reasons, but this deal breaker was something that faltered throughout my college experience.  I think the worst is when you've committed yourself to someone thinking that they're great and you're asking yourself those important questions and then they let you down.  Sometimes it's not even them, you just have physical desires that seem completely out of place once you get down to those values and start asking yourself those questions. 

Deal Breaker 6: What are his ambitions and life goals looking like?

Don't get caught up in how pretty the picture looks.  A lot of the guys I dated in college looked amazing on paper (and in person) and are very successful today.  However, our life goals, ambitions, and values often were very different.  I briefly dated a football player who would go on to play football professionally.  We definitely were not headed in the same direction but shared the same values.  I also dated another guy who I was madly in love with but wasn't going anywhere with his life.  Now that was a sad story.  If he isn't getting his on life on track, you can't stay with him because you're constantly going to be leading someone who is old enough to lead himself.

Well there you have it.  Six deal breakers that I wish I had or used more frequently throughout college. What are some deal breakers that you wish you had?

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Now Dating a College Freshman

We had the wonderful opportunity to celebrate the last day before classes started at our friend, Jeff's birthday.  A delicious BBQ, yummy birthday cake, and some brew with friends were perfect ways to top off the day.  We ran through a rainstorm with heavy winds (yikes) with our friends Hannah and Anthony.  Ryan was upset to have left the party early, so I was really glad that our friend Troy invited him over to continue the end-of-the-summer festivities.

Ryan was really excited to meet other Wisconsinites at the party.  That's one really great aspect of military life- seeing other people from your home state. I get excited when I meet people from Wisconsin or even Minnesota and a Wisconsin license plate makes my heart go all a'flutter.

 The next day was the first day of classes for a lot of students, whether it be Kindergarten or the start to a college degree.  Although I was content with sleeping in the next morning, I definitely wanted to snap some pictures of the new college freshman in our household...my husband!
Also take note that he's rocking a Badger tee, even though he's going to school in Montana.
#bleedredandwhite

 After four years in the Marine Corps, Ryan is taking advantage of the G.I. Bill and going to school in the town that we now live in.  I think he's interested in becoming a high school teacher, but for now he's tackling his gen eds.  I'm particularly excited about his creative writing class and how it's focusing a lot on poetry.  Maybe I'll get some love poems out of this gig ;)

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Grad School makes me wish I was a Freshman

My dad actually had me up on his shoulders for the pic before a Badger Football game

Ramen noodles
Energy drinks for finals
Library study sessions
Pictures with Bucky
Copious amounts of college apparel

I'm starting grad school (online) in a few weeks and I couldn't help but reminisce over all the fun times that I had in college.  If you have friends that have gone to Madison, I'm sure you've heard them talk about in length, but I love my alma mater.  It's not just the school, the entire city is so charming and relatable that you easily fall in love with it.  I wish I had more time there.  I was crazy involved on campus but there are still so many opportunities and things that I wish I had explored.  So as I approach the very "grown-up" aspect of starting grad school at Liberty University, I thought about what I would say to my college self now as an Air Force Officer and over a year since I graduated.

Dear Kim,

Welcome to the University of Wisconsin-Madison, one of the best schools in the country.  You are about to have a blast and half here and I so wish I could be the big sister that guides you through all of it.  So this letter to myself will just have to do. 

Freshman year is an exciting time.  Mom will send you to college with way too much stuff and way too many clothes.  Less is more sweetheart and your freshman roommate will thank you.   You won't make the marching band during the first week of being on campus but that's OK because right after you find out, you got a bid into Theta and you're about to meet some of the greatest ladies that will help influence your college career.  The guy you're dating is actually a terrible boyfriend.  Like Dad said, if he really liked you he would move mountains to be with you.  Be single and don't be attached to that one specific guy.  Break up and don't worry because he'll mature and you'll be friends later on. 

Make sure you study and also drop fricken Philosophy 101.  You will hate the class despite whatever the SOAR registration guy suggested to you and you also won't be pre-Business.  The only good thing that came from that class was meeting your friend Jon, but other than that you need to drop that class.  On that note- it's ok to drop classes.  That's another thing you'll be worried about- quitting things you've started.  That doesn't count in this situation. You are paying for the course and if you don't like the instructor, TA, or how it's being taught- change the class ASAP.  Change your major and get out of having Philosophy, Math, and Econ all in the same semester.  That was a no good, very bad idea.  After one of your infuriating math classes, you will decide to meet with a guidance counselor who will help guide you into the Journalism School and that is a way better fit.  You will love it more than you know and it will leave a lasting impression.  If you don't heed these words, you'll be making up for it as you try to raise your GPA for the rest of your college experience. 

Do your readings and don't slack off just because you want to go out on the weekends or like I said above, you hate the class.  This is incredibly important, especially during your freshman and sophomore years.  More than one exam relied a little too much on the readings and a lot less on the lectures.  This will catch you off guard and your exam grades will suffer.  Make sure you make academics a top priority and don't waste too much energy on the guys there because you don't end up marrying a guy from college anyways.

Speaking of that you're going to date a lot of mediocre guys.  Yes, I know they're very attractive and successful in their college careers, but they're not good men.  Hometown guy that you meet while working together lifeguarding is going to wreak havoc on your heart when he cheats on you.  He's a key player in your life story because this relationship will become the fodder for all the excuses to date very specific, lousy guys.  You accept the relationship you think you deserve and you deserve a lot better.  Everything is going to work out.  Don't date guys for the sake of dating because you're going to be introduced into the very harsh reality that what seems good on paper (or while he is sober) is actually a pretty terrible boyfriend.  Also don't date a football player for the sake of dating a Badger football player.  You're in love with the school, the city, and its people.  That one guy does not encompass all of that and that's way too much to put on one guy from Texas.  Be friends, don't date.  That relationship, I can promise you, is just going to make you feel less than you deserve.  Don't do that to yourself.

Your junior and senior year, you're going to focus on academics and work a lot (get it girl!). However, don't sacrifice your personal relationships.  Being a leader in your sorority will become harder and at one point during your senior year you aren't involved at all.  You'll regret this because you will miss your sisters.  You're going to miss hanging out in the lounge, watching movies, eating chocolate and ice cream together, and getting ready to go out together.  Don't let being married change that in you.

Speaking of being married...you get married!  He's a pretty swell guy and if I told my freshman self who it was, you would never believe me.  So, I won't say much but you're going to know when you start dating that he's the one.  You're also going to get a lot of criticism about getting married while in college and things will change dramatically.  I don't think I can give you too much advice on it, because I don't have any.  That situation played exactly how I believe God intended it to and everything worked out. 

My biggest piece of advice is to work hard and enjoy it all.  Spoiler alert, you don't get the Air Force job you were recruited into ROTC for and I'm telling you now that you haven't spent enough time on that gorgeous terrace.  Learn how to sail on Lake Mendota and go skinny dipping more often.  Build up those relationships with your friends because you're going to miss them more than you know when you all are spread across the country.  Enjoy every football game, every bratwurst, every piece of college apparel, every memory that you make.  Walking across the stage as you graduate and even more so as you commission into the Air Force are going to be amazing moments that will forever be engrained in your mind. For having thought that you were going to the University of Central Florida and changing your mind at the last minute, you made a great choice.

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250 Words

Story of My Life's first challenge: "the story of your life in 250 words or less" (a very brief auto-biography).  

This is going into way more than 250...I apologize in advance.

I'm the blonde-looking child and that's my cousin, who I just placed a block on because we enjoyed nudity in our youth...hey it was always scorching hot outside!

I was born in the Philippines and grew up as part of a rather large Navy family.  

My mom came from a large family and so I have several aunts, uncles, and cousins who still live there.  My mom worked in a bar/restaurant owned by family friends who were practically family and it was located very close to a U.S. Naval base (my memory wavers but it could have actually been on the base).  My mom met a sailor with a son and ended up becoming a nanny for him.  The sailor and my mom ended up falling in love and eventually had me.  This is a tough part of my history because that man was unfaithful to my mother and he left for the U.S. without her.  Over time my mom met another man, named Jim, and married him.  Although he's technically my step-dad, he's always been dad to me.  We lived in Southern California for several years and moved back to Wisconsin so my father could pursue employment by his family.  I spent most of my life in Wisconsin and am a proud Sconnie.  My brother Jimmy was born when I was 8 and we ended up moving several times, all within the same city.  I have so many fond memories of different families back there and of different school programs.  My favorites come from a charter school that I attended from 6th to 8th grade.  One of my best-friends that I met during Middle School is getting married this summer and I can't wait to see her!  During high school I was one of the captains for my swim team and spent a total of 10 years competitively swimming.  Looking back, I wished I had taken it more seriously because I had a lot of talent and wasted it by loathing practices.  Also in high school, I was part of your yearbook program which competed nationally.  That's where my love for design and journalism blossomed.  It was further cultivated in DECA and our Advanced Marketing program.  

I was nervous about getting into a good school but after ramping up my resume, I had nothing to worry about. I got into 11 different universities and was going to attend the University of Central Florida but after representing Wisconsin at DECA Internationals, I changed my mind.  I called my dad up and told him I wanted to go to Wisconsin and he was so excited, especially since he's a Wisconsin alum.  He drove up to Madison the next day and changed over all of my paperwork.  That's just one of many reasons that I absolutely adore my dad.  I attended UW-Madison and it's one of the greatest experiences of my life.  I can only look back on fond memories or ones that taught me so much.  I'm a Theta and I did the recruitment process, all while balancing the last part of try-outs for the Wisconsin Band.  Love the band, but boy howdy was that rigorous.  I didn't make the band, percussion killed my legs, but I did get a bid from Theta and it was a wonderful experience.  I did several jobs while I was there, including being a tour guide, event coordinator for Sex Out Loud, and a House Fellow for Sellery.  These were the best jobs ever and I miss them so much.  Being a tour guide helped shape my public presentation skills and I met so many awesome people.  Sex Out Loud is an organization at UW that does peer-to-peer sexual health education and advocacy.  That job taught me so much about the necessity for sexual health education and how drastically different the education process is for different school systems.  We got the results of that with incoming college freshmen.  A lot of my beliefs come from those experiences.  I was a House Fellow or RA for one of the rambunctious dorms at Wisconsin.  It taught me a lot about being a role model, multi-tasking, patience, time management, and how I would like to raise my future kids.  I also joined the Air Force ROTC program after my freshman year and then a few years later became an officer.

I also got married while I was in college to my best-friend, Ryan.  I have discussed so many aspects of the joys and issues that came with this in previous posts and I'm sure I'll keep on talking about it in the future.  I moved to Southern California twice (each summer), where Ryan was stationed for the Marine Corps.  I then moved to Central Coast California, where I was stationed for training and now to Montana where we live with our two German Shepherds.  There's so much I can go into about certain elements of my life, but I'm just excited to have the opportunity to be a part of this challenge.

     

Ode to the Dresses for Donation

I have always hated moving. Yes, the word "hated" is a strong choice of words for a chore as mundane as moving, but I really do despise it.  We are lucky, to have paid military movers (TMO), but regardless, I have moved a lot in my lifetime.  I have moved from the Philippines to the United States, from California to Wisconsin, moved five times in the same city, repeatedly moved back and forth from my hometown to Madison, moved to California (twice), and then from SoCal to Central Cal.  Now it's time to move to Montana.  You would think that I have become better at it, but to be honest with you, the best way to get better at it is to have less stuff. 

So this begins the weekly process of getting rid of said stuff.  We started by going through boxes and boxes in our spare room of things that my mom helped pack and send from Wisconsin to California.  TMO, God bless their hearts, will literally pack everything, so many boxes had notebooks of old college class notes (even high school notebooks), old chapsticks, scraps of paper and old water bottles. 

There are bags dedicated to Goodwill and then there are trashbags filled with just plain ol' garbage.  Which brings me to the topic of this post, my college dresses.
Lordy do I miss being in college.  Madison just has this feel to it that is good for the soul.  There's this store on campus called Pitaya and then there was an Urban Outfitters, not to mention West Towne Mall that would always restock its dresses and I would always be well stocked on numerous outfits to wear to sorority functions or just to be business casual.  Every year, I would make that difficult decision to donate the clothes that I rarely wore to Goodwill and just keep pressing on.
The last major dress donation involved getting rid of many of my "going out" clothes since I got married.

A tame picture from my 21st-birthday celebration. Yep, animal print had to go.

It was easy to go through them because many of them were filled with good memories, usually a little fuzzy from jaunts at bars like Kollege Klub or Karaoke Kid or grabbing a fishbowl at Wando's, but they were a little much, a little tight or a little too short.  The type of outfits where you can say, "someone else can enjoy you." 

However, packing up the bags and folding clothes this time around was surprisingly a little more difficult.

As I write this, I'm staring at space vacuum bags littered on the floor- some of them filled, others not.  I see a pile of Theta t-shirts that are neatly folded into a leaning tower of pisa.  I'm not sure what else to do with them besides make them into a t-shirt quilt.  There are jeans that are just a size too small and I'm realizing that with many of my clothes.  However, it's difficult to part with many of them because they're my favorites.  I love clothes and fashion.  I love putting together a great outfit from numerous pieces I have in my closet.  I adore lace, vintage-style dresses or a sweater paired with my dark-rimmed glasses.  Plus many of these outfits are filled with really great memories.

 

Like this white dress I first wore to celebrate the end of summer with my friends.  I was off to field training and we decided to get together and have a grand old time.  Most of us spent our summers as lifeguards so we always had killer tans.  We even had a condom pinata with collectible ONE condoms (they're hilarious) at the party and no preggo the eggo cupcakes which is a recipe post just waiting to happen.

 

That same white dress would later be used at my Bachelorette Party where we had way too much fun with my friends and sorority sisters.  They wrote down words of advice, we ate cake and snacks and had an outrageously great time on a Madison bar crawl.  Here I am with Kate, one of my all time best-friends and world travelers.  After I got married, I lived vicariously through her adventures to Australia.

Here I am with another one of my sorority sisters in a "going out" outfit.  I'm pretty sure we were just craving cheesecake and wine and so we went out for it.  Our favorite stop was The Icon because the specialty drinks were delicious and named after classic movie titles.  I miss living with my sisters and getting all dolled up to go out on weekends- even if it was just to get a glass of wine with the girls.

Here was my notorious "going out" shirt.  Pretty sure I kept this bad boy for a solid 3+ years because it was the best material and a gorgeous color.  Kate dubbed it my "going out" shirt for how often I wore it out.  It was like good luck.  We always had an amazing time whenever I wore that shirt.

As college progressed, I took fewer pictures because I was always held up at work or had other commitments.  This caused me to go out fewer times.  I also stopped enjoying going out to bars, and definitely not going to socials because I was already married and let's face it, frat boys aren't really going after married ladies :P  Plus, it wasn't really my kind of scene to begin with.  However, I loved hanging out with my sorority sisters.  Nights spent in sweatpants watching a chick flick were my favorites. 

Now as an adult, my career requires that I'm wearing a military uniform 5 days a week for almost the entire day (from sun-up to sun-down).  That's perfectly alright, but by the time I get home, I'm all about the stretchy soft comfort that a pair of yoga pants provides.  Half the time I choose to go without make-up because it's quite a bit of work.  Ryan isn't big into going out, so I can't tell you the last time I wore a "going out" style dress.  Wait, I can.  I put on make-up and a nice outfit to run errands one day because I felt like it.  Ryan asked me why and all I could say was that I wanted to look nice.  There just isn't too much cause or opportunity.  My friends here have to actually plan an event that would require us to dress-up.  Ryan doesn't even own dress clothes (this is a story for another post) but that should give you an idea that we don't attend too many occasions or events that require dress slacks and a pretty dress.

It's not my intention for this to be a pity post.  As I folded these outfits or put them up for donation, I was filled with a loving sense of all the great memories I made with wonderful people.  I wore many of these dresses and tops for birthday parties, movie nights, hugged a sister when she was accepted into a prestigious academic program, dinner and margs with girls, etc.  I wouldn't necessarily call it a type of sadness, because I'm not sad.  I just love this opportunity to reminisce on the things that have happened.  I hope that another young woman in this town can make use of that polka dot dress or the stretchy white, sparkly number because I had so many great times in all of them.

Thanks for Reading!

There's No Place Like Home

ding-a-ling, ding-a-ling

I check my computer as I'm mastering making lasagna, plus oreo-stuffed chocolate chip cookies and realize that it's one of my sorority Littles, Angie, and Ann, the adopted Little.

(my other Little, Erica, is doing it up big in Disney World as part of the Disney College Program).

There are their gorgeous faces and what are they doing?

Of course...BAKING!

Pinterest strikes again!

We talked for over 2 hours and just had a blast.

We celebrated that Angie was finally done with O-Chem (hallelujah)

and was keeping Ann company through the use of baked goods and adult beverages.

good times all around

I miss back home so much.

"Back home" for me is Kenosha and Madison, Wisconsin.

I miss the gorgeous Terrace with the sunburst chairs.

I miss walking down Langdon Street and seeing familiar faces.

I miss my sorority sisters and how goofy they can be.

My husband was shocked at how much time we spent Skyping but I found it to be amazingly therapeutic.

As my search for an apartment or housing complex continues, it just buries me further into stress.

I have called probably 30 numbers and I'm not exaggerating.

It definitely doesn't help that my orders aren't telling where I'm going post-training or what my unit is or anything.

My husband, despite his good intentions, tends to make situations really stressful.

He's already tired when he gets home from work and the thought of having to send our dog back home to Wisconsin for 5+ months makes the situation worse.

I won't give up, not yet!

I'm bound and determined to continue searching, calling and filling out applications.

I don't want to ask for too much, but it really shouldn't be this difficult for military members to find housing. It just shouldn't.

But enough about that, let's talk about how awesome my sorority family is and why I love them.

Ann, Angie, Erica, Maria, and Taylor embody everything that I love about people.

They are caring, funny, hilarious (yes, there's a difference in this case), compassionate (now I'm just using synonyms), and just awesome people.

They remind me about everything I stand for and why I love the human spirit.

We laughed, we talked, we sang, we danced (all via Skype)

and for the first time, in a long time, I wish I could play along with them

as they were playing the Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter drinking game.

Love you gals =]